Mind to Metal

Chapter 20

A white Mercedes whipped on its breaks with a heart-stopping scream. I was almost halfway across the street when it happened. It wasn't going fast, but it could have led me back to a hospital. That mere thought scared me more than the physical pain. I imagined my blood marking the vehicle's white paint and my back bent out of place. My Momma would watch me while I slept. Terrible tears would pour from her beautiful face. My hospital room would have most of the same ornaments as before, like a bouquet of flowers, a window, a TV, etc. My doctors with grim faces would pity my lifetime's worth of unfortunate events. However, this time, my entire body would be useless, trapped within a doll-like capsule.

Or maybe I would die on my gurney and it could be all over.

The car was able to swerve and stop a few feet in front of me. There was too much going on to think of anything. My disabled body trembled as my heart continued to stutter. I didn't think to move until the white Mercedes honked its horn. Before the driver rolled down the window, I spun and retreated to my apartment. The driver was still muttering threats as he or she sped away. Thankfully, there were no other cars around to clip me on the way back or smash into the Mercedes's bumper.

I should have known better. How on Earth could I have gotten so caught up in the moment that I forgot that there was such thing as crosswalks and stoplights?

How could I get so caught up in the fairy tale life I've been living in. Exploring the streets? Really? That's something I don't do. What's the point if I will most likely move in the next few years? Saturn always wanted to live in Florida for the ocean and palm trees. There are research jobs anywhere you go. I'm sure Wyatt could transfer if he tried hard enough. It'll give us all a clean slate to start over or go back to normal.

The challenge was that, at that moment, I didn't know what normal was anymore.

Dominic, Peyton, James, Jared, Ben, General Hemingway were all just distractions. Who of this group is actually going to keep in touch with me for the rest of my life? My internship is only for one summer. I definitely don't plan to come back. I need a way to move on. This was my way to do that. So far, I'm getting further and further from my dream! How am I supposed to know my place in the world if I don't know what I am? A disabled mutant? A lab rat experiment gone wrong? An unlucky survivor? It's all too fucking confusing.

My need for open spaces finally receded to the shadows. In its wake, my body craved to be in a room secluded from the rest of the world.

Thoughtlessly, I drew my bedroom door closed. My hand hung on the handle, tugging on it slightly as if it could close even more. All the while, my vision spun my world on a new axis. I used my wheelchair as a crutch when my upper body lost its rigidity. Good thing that I was sitting, because if not, I might have ended up on the floor. After resting my elbows on my knees, I put my head in my hands. Ragged breaths escaped my lips.

I wanted someone to come to my rescue. It had been a long time since someone had truly understood me, listened, and told me everything was okay. I only had this experience because of the plane crash. My Momma had sat through all of my tears, my doctor's appointments, and my rejection from my natural world. My current situation seemed much more pathetic in comparison. Like a grown-up, I had to deal with my own shit.

At the same time, I wanted to be secluded from the rest of the world. No one was expecting me anywhere. I wasn't required to do anything. So, there in my small bedroom, I curled into a ball as my mattress gave me a loving embrace, and I stared outside.

Once I recovered slightly, I reached for my phone, but I ended up tossing it under my bed.

Only later that night did I use it to order a delivery pizza. I returned it back to its spot and watched TV to pass the time. When TV lost my interest, I started making a list of things I would do tomorrow.