The Modern Queen

confessions

Aishlynn had never been one for physical affection. She'd enjoyed and reciprocated the hugs her parents had given her, but had rarely ever deliberately sought them out. Even now, she didn't mind touch from those close to her, but nor did she crave it.

Or, at least, she hadn't.

But with Asa? It was like there was no part of her that could get enough. When they were together, she gravitated towards him. She held his hand. She leaned into his side. She rested against his back. She sat close enough to him that their legs touched. She brushed his shoulder with her hands; tapped random beats against his skin. She played with his hair.

Always hyper aware of her actions, it didn't take her long to catch on to her own odd behavior. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't make herself stop. It was an addiction. Maybe it would have been easier if Asa had been adverse, but no, he was just as likely to initiate touch. Sometimes she wasn't sure who had reached for who first, and it was as terrifying as it was exhilarating.

They walked hand in hand today, in a rare moment of free time between classes. Asa sipped on cold black coffee, while Aishlynn sipped at her tea, warm and spicy and just a hint of bitterness. Asa was telling her about one of the many mishaps that occurred in the medical labs–an incident Aishlynn was sure was fascinating, but had tuned out in favor of counting his freckles.

That was another odd thing. In addition to the touching, she couldn't seem to stop staring. Noticing tiny details, like the gold flecks of his amber eyes; the red gold hue his hair turned in the sun; the way he rubbed at his stubble when he was embarrassed or thinking. The way he blushed when he caught her watching him; the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. The way his fingers were long and perpetually inkstained.

She could fill a book with the things she saw. Could fill the margins with the way they made her feel. Could do nothing but stare at him for hours and still be the happiest, most content person in town. In the world.

She was on freckle 178 when she realized.

Oh. Oh. Is this what love feels like?

The realization had her stopping in place, mouth parting. Her tea felt as if it could be snatched from her hand by a small breeze.

Asa stopped a step later, turning to face her. His brow furrowed–three little furrows between his eyebrows, furrows she wanted to smooth with her thumb. "Are you okay?"

Platitudes jumped to her lips. Of course, I'm fine, I just remembered something. But what came out was the truth–as it so often did, in his presence. "I think I might be in love with you."

Color bloomed on his face, but he didn't duck his head or shy away like he did when he caught her staring. Instead, he smiled. A shy, sweet smile, but a smile nonetheless. "Well, that's good then, because I think I might be in love with you too."

She didn't have a name for the feeling swelling in her chest. But whatever it was, it brought with it the widest smile she'd ever felt. It made her face muscles hurt, but she couldn't bring herself to care all that much. "That is good then," she said quietly. She squeezed his hand tighter. "Very good."