The Modern Queen

okay

"Stop telling me you're okay," Talitha said. Ordered. Whatever. Even her cheerful demeanor had its limits, and there was no one better at testing them than Alinora. (Except perhaps Lyr, but it was different kind of testing.)

"I am okay," Alinora snapped, but the way she radiated tension said otherwise.

"It's understandable to be nervous," Talitha tried, making an attempt to curb her irritation. They couldn't both be grumpy—that would just lead to disaster. "I mean, you haven't seen him, in... how long now?"

"Doesn't matter," Alinora said shortly. "I'm not nervous. I'm fine."

"Oh, for the love of— Stop lying to me! You are very clearly, very obviously not okay. Your father is six hours away. Six. Hours. We are not driving that far in strained silence, just for you to end up snapping at him when we get there," Talitha said shortly, patience emptied. "You'll end up regretting it. Then running. Then regretting that, and avoiding attempting to reach out. And constantly torturing yourself over it, in an endless fucking cycle, and I'm not dealing with it. So tell me what the fuck is wrong so we can fix it and get this show on the road."

"Not everything is something you can fix, Talitha!"

"I know that, Alinora, or did you forget about my parental situation?" Talitha crossed her arms.

Alinora very obviously winced and Talitha tried not to feel so satisfied about that. "I didn't mean..." Alinora trailed off. She sighed, and collapsed on their bed. "I know you're trying to help. And I appreciate that. I just... I grew up calling him Uncle Oreyn. And all that time..."

"He was actually your father." Talitha's voice softened.

"Yes. And I mean, it's not like I'm upset he didn't take me in after. Because he did." Oreyn worked with Ellis and Rolfe to run a boy's home for troubled teens. He'd taken Alinora in to stay at his apartment, though they'd spent a lot of time at the home instead. She still talked to the boys, and Ellis, and Rolfe. Talitha had met a couple of them, though it was through video chat.

Alinora hadn't been able to stay, though. It was all too close to home, and every time she turned around she was reminded of what she lost. So she'd left, and come to live with Aishlynn. Talitha was glad for it, honestly. They never would have met otherwise.

"I'm more upset that... he didn't tell me. After. I don't know if it would have made a difference but... I keep thinking that maybe I would have felt less alone. It's stupid, really, because if he had told me, I probably never would have come here. I wouldn't have met you or any of the others. And I'm not sure I would have been as happy as I am now.

"But..."

"You can't help wondering." Talitha said softly, sitting next to her. She took Alinora's hand. "It's okay to wonder. You know that, don't you?"

"In theory."

Talitha snorted. "Fair enough." She paused. "What does... what does him being your dad change?"

Alinora frowned, like she hadn't thought about it. Which didn't surprise Talitha one bit. For all that her girlfriend tended to overthink, she often overthought about the wrong things. Particularly when it concerned her past.

"I guess... I don't know," she said. "Maybe it doesn't change anything." She paused. "But... maybe it changes everything?"

"How so?"

"Well I mean. What do I call him now? How involved is he going to want to be, now that I know? How involved am I going to want him to be?"

"Alinora. He's always acted like your dad," Talitha said. And it was true. He'd insisted on meeting Talitha—had driven up to take them both out to dinner. Had insisted on meeting Alinora's friends, making regular trips up to check on her. He was involved in her life the same way a father should be. Alinora just hadn't called him that. Hadn't known. "The only difference now is that you know there's a biological connection."

"I... You're right," she said slowly. "But it still feels like something is different."

Talitha shrugged. "That's because it is. But you're stressing about everything except the real issue."

Alinora hummed skeptically. "And what is that?" she challenged.

"You feel betrayed, 'cause he basically lied to you all these years. And he kept secrets. And he's never done that before. Not to you. And now you feel like he doesn't trust you as much as you thought he did. And you're wondering if you can trust him, now, or if he's keeping something else from you."

Alinora stared at her. "Where the hell did that come from?"

"Your head. I read minds, don't you know?"

Alinora rolled her eyes. "You were doing so good at being serious," she said with a sigh. "I guess you could be right. Maybe. But it's not something I want to think about right now. I just... I need to see him. Before I really examine it."

Talitha nodded. "Understandable. Now that you're not pretending you're fine, you should be good. I'll pinch you if you're being ruder than usual."

Alinora rolled her eyes again. "Thanks," she said sarcastically, but there was a bit of something genuine too.

Talitha beamed. "So, I get to drive, right?"

"Oh, hell no."

"C'mon! It was one accident!"

"Nope. You can drive Lyr around all you want, but you are not driving with me in the car."

"Baby, you know I'll keep you safe~"

"I will lock you in the trunk."

"Oooooh. Kinky kidnap role play?"

"On second thought, I'm just going to leave you behind."

"Noooooo, baby don't leave me!"

Alinora was laughing, and Talitha was grinning, and now, things really were okay.