Borderline

Eight

   "Speed!" Abigail squealed. I threw my cards down in defeat.

   "How does this keep happening?" I heard Briar laughing behind me. The last few days have been okay. Mostly card games in the room with Abigail. A nurse walks into the room with a smile on his face.

   "Abi, it's time for your transfer." Abi's smile faded.

   "It was supposed to be next week." Abi tugged on her blanket and leaned back in her bed. I reached my hang out to her. 

   "The unit isn't bad right now. I'll be there soon too." I grabbed her hand and smiled. Abigail has been here a little over a month and just in the time I've seen her she's become so much healthier. She got her tube removed two days ago and she began eating normally. She began to gather her stuff together and looked at the nurse.

   "How much time do I have?"

   "I'll be back in an hour." The nurse left and closed the door behind him. Abi began to frantically get her things together and finally burst into tears.

   "I don't want to transfer. Then I'll finally be a patient. Then it'll be real. I'll be back in the long-term unit." Abigail looked defeated. I got off the bed and stood in front of her. I slowly took whatever was in her hands and set it down and grabbed her hands.

   "Abi, you need to breathe. You're going to be fine."

   "But what if it's not? Like all the other times. What if it's not?" I let her hands go and dropped mine to my sides and smiled half-heartedly.

   "I don't have the answers to everything, but you're going to be okay. Especially at Willow, you'll be safe and loved and okay." Abigail sniffled and wiped stray tears off her face and turned to Briar. 

   "Is she right?" Abigail walked over to Briar.

   "Of course, you know the program and you know the staff and still most of the patients, you'll be a-okay." Briar stood and hugged Abigail and she returned that hug as she had never hugged before. 

   As the hour passed I helped Abigail pack and we played some more card games, each time I lost. Eventually, the nurse came back and informed Abigail it was time to go. She looked nervous. She picked up her things with some help from the nurse then left. I looked over at Briar, "It's just us now." Briar smiled at me and offered to play some cards with me and of course, I said yes.

...

   The next morning when I woke up I noticed the bed next to me was already filled with a young girl. I turned to Briar who had just gotten there for her morning shift. "Do you know who she is?" I asked her.

   "The told me her name was Amalee , that's all I know." Briar and I played cards quietly until this Amalee girl woke up. I turned my attention to her and we locked eyes. We were silent for a moment and then she spoke up.

   "What's your name?"

    "I'm Margo."

   "I'm Amalee, people call me Lee though." We were silent for a few more minutes and just looked at each other. "Why are you here?" She finally asks me.  I raise my arms to show the bandages on my wrists. She nods, "I'm a cutter too. Are you waiting for a bed somewhere?"

   "Actually I'm already a patient at Lake Oak, I just came here for medical purposes and they wanted to keep me a few days to keep an eye on me. I should be leaving tomorrow or the day after."

   "I might be going to Lake Oak." Amalee looked away, out the window. 

   "It's not bad." I wait for her to look back at me but she doesn't. Soon after a doctor comes in and closes and curtains dividing us. Briar and I continue our card games. About an hour later my doctor comes in my room and informs me that tomorrow I'll be returning to Willow. I take a deep breath and thank him and he leaves. "Do you think Sophia is back at Willow?' I ask Briar. 

  "She left yesterday with Abigail." She tells me. I jump up.

   "Wait what? Is she still tubed? Is she okay?"

   "Calm yourself. She's fines. Yes she's still tubed but report says she's handling it a lot better." I attempt a smile.

   "Well that's good." And that was the end of the conversation. The curtain between Amalee and I stayed closed and every now and then I heard crying. I wanted to open the curtain and comfort her but I didn't want to push my luck with someone I didn't know. I spent most of the day laying in bed staring at the ceiling and having basic conversation with Briar. Every now and then we played cards. The doctor came in and took the bandages off my wrist.

   "The wound needs to air out," he tells me, "reduces the risk for infection. The bandage keeps it moist. The stitches will be in just a few more days." Then he leaves. I examine my wrist and count my stitches over and over again. I did this to myself, I thought, what am I going to do with myself? Eventually I fall asleep. As my eyes begin to shut I pray for normal dreams, but of course I never get what I want.

•••

  I'm standing in an empty room, my hands and feet are covered in dirt. I look around and see a mirror. I look emaciated and my face is sunken in. I touch my face and feel my cheek bones and gasp quietly. What happened to me? I strip off the dirty white dress I'm wearing and examine my body. My ribs stick out, my thighs are miles apart, my stomach is caved in, I look like someone who was dying. I look around the room for different clothes and find shorts and a t-shirt in the corner next to a wardrobe. I get dressed, too scared to keep looking at my body. I hear footsteps. My heart begins to race. I stare at the only door in the room and begin to panic. I open the wardrobe door and step inside and shut the door quietly. The door to the room swings open. I can see him through the crack. He picks up my dress and tears it in two. I whimper. He looks towards the wardrobe. Piercing eyes. I push myself back trying to be as hidden as possible, but it's too late. He's seen me. He walks towards the wardrobe. The door swings open.

•••

   I wake up.