Borderline

Eleven

   I was pulled out of the shower by two techs while Elliot turned it off. I cradled my hand with my other and continued to cry. Another person came in, a janitor I think, and began sweeping up the shards of glass. I was picked up and set on the floor in my room. All the males left and two female techs undressed me. One tech dressed me while the other dried off my hair. They convinced me to stand and walk across the unit to the exam room where the orthopedic doctor waited for me. Now here I am, sitting on an exam bed getting pieces of glass picked out of my hand. I had stopped crying. Soon the doctor was done and my hand was cleaned and wrapped appropriately. Lily and Mali both walked in and stood in front of me. "Are you going to tell us what happened?" Mali asked softly. I sat in silence. They waited for a few moments then Mali spoke again, "Margo?"

   "We were talking about cutting..."

   "Mhm."

"...and I don't know something came over me..."

   "Like?"

"...like a sudden urge to just run and get away from whatever was happening. I couldn't have stayed in that room my mind was going a thousand miles a second and the voices...the voices..."

   "Voices?" Mali looked puzzled.  

"...there was a voice in my head but it wasn't mine and it wasn't anyone in the room either. It was a loud screaming voice telling me to run. To just get out. So I had to get out. I had to make it stop, I had to make it all stop."

   "And did it?" Lily spoke up. I looked over at her.

   "For the moment yes. It went quiet when I punched the mirror. Then I had to get in the shower because I felt disgusting and used for some reason and I had to wash it off, I had to."

   "Tomorrow we're going to have a one on one session and later today the treatment team will be discussing you," said Mali.

   "Discussing what about me?"

    "The level you're on. You're being put on 1 to 1 and it's highly likely you'll be moved into a double room. They might even decide to move you into a four bed room because of you being such a high risk."

   "No, please don't change my room!" I jumped up off the exam bed.

   "I'll do my best to plead your case, but just remember it's only for your safety." At that Mali walked out and left me with Lily. I looked down at my entire arm wrapped in bandages then looked up at Lily.

   "I'm your 1 to 1, okay?" Lily said to me. I nodded and walked out of the exam room. Lily led me back to the unit. When the doors opened all eyes were on me, but only for a second. Still, I immediately wanted to curl into a ball and die. Lily stood about a foot behind me, charting my every movement. I stood there, still, for what felt like hours then I decided to sit at a table. I approached the table with Sophia and Harper. When I sat down their conversation stopped and they both looked at me.

   "Are you okay?" Sophia asked me. I gave her a confused look.

   "What do you mean?"

   "Everyone knows what happened after you ran out of the group," Harper said. I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable. 

   "Everyone?"

   "Yeah. Some people followed the techs and saw more than they needed to." Sophia said softly. I slammed my fist on the table and bother Harper and Sophia jumped back. "Um...Margo?" I shook my head and fought to hold back tears. 

   "Why is everyone in this place so damn nosey!" I stood up and stormed off to my room, I could hear Lily quickly following behind me. When I got to my room Lily stood in the doorway while I sat on my bed, crying again.

...

   I was in my room with Lily for about an hour when Dakota came in and informed me I had a visitor. I was perplexed, I knew it wasn't my parents. I was escorted to the visiting area and saw a familiar mop of ginger hair. "Logan!" I ran over to my brother and hugged him tightly.  Logan was my older brother, by a year, and my absolute best friend. "Do mom and dad know you're here?"

   "If they knew they wouldn't have let me come." We sat down at a table.

   "Why...why not?"

   "Their hypothesis is that if there's as little family involvement as possible then it will heal you or something. Which makes no sense because we're you're family and you need our support. Cade and Amelia tried to come to visit but mom and dad found out and grounded them." Logan reached out and grabbed my non bandaged hand and squeezed it tight. "Even if mom and dad don't want to be part of this you know that we do, okay?"

   "So mom and dad just...don't care?" I pulled my hand away and set my hands in my lap."

   "No...I mean...Well, they say they care about your wellbeing."

    "Well, they have a funny way of showing it," I mumbled.  Logan moved his chair closer to me and grabbed my hand again.

   "Listen, I will fight for you and I will be on your side. Fuck mom and dad, they're assholes. You have me, Amelia, and Cade. We will be your support system." Logan locked his eyes with mine. I began to cry.

   "It's not fair. Mom and dad support everything the three of you do but the moment something goes wrong with any of us they're nowhere to be found." I said through my tears.

   "I know, it's fucked up." Logan hugged me and i sobbed into his shoulder. When he let me go i kind of laughed.

   "Sorry, your shirt is all wet."

   "Pay it no mind. I love you sis, no matter what, okay?"

   "Okay."