Two Of A Kind

2.Silence is bliss

Aiden's Pov~

       I needed to clear my head. I didn't know where I was going, or what I was doing, but I needed a break. A fucking break from my house. The place I was supposed to call home. My sanctuary. That place had turned into a hell hole a long time ago, but only that night did I realize it. How could I be so stupid. So fucking naive. All the signs were there. Everything was an open book. It was like she didn't even care to hide what she had done. Or what she was trying to do. I didn't  even know what the hell she was trying do. But from what I had witnessed that night, It was pretty obvious once I started to put all the pieces together.

          My mother was cheating on my father. Not only had she cheated on him, but she had went and got knocked up. I didn't know what to do. I just couldn't believe the woman I had loved for so long, the only woman I had ever loved, could be this type of person. I guess you never know who anyone really is. I didn't even know who the hell I was anymore.

        Could I be capable of doing something like that to someone I cared so much about? I knew the answer to that question. Because I had done it before. I had hurt someone I once cared deeply about. Someone I still care deeply about. The only difference now, was that I knew why. I was that way because of my fucking mother. Fuck you mom. Fuck you. At that moment I hated her. I hated her with everything in me. I wanted to hurt someone. I wanted to hurt her.

          This is why I needed to clear my head. I would never think about hurting my mother. I loved her. I adored her. She was the first woman I ever learned to love. To appreciate. But if she didn't give a damn about me and my old man, then why the fuck should I give a damn  about her.

      If she thought that I was letting her get away with the destruction she had caused in our family, she had another thing coming. My mother was like a tsunami coming at full speed, and I had to be the one to fortify my dad's wipeout.

        I had been walking around for at least an hour. I didn't know why I ended up where I was. Or what my intentions were for showing up at her house. But I was there, and that meant it was no turning back.

        Before I knew it, I was at her door step. I didn't knock. I just stared at the door. Like an idiot. Like I expected her to know I would be there. Like I wanted her to sense me. To feel when I was near. Maybe she would have, if I hadn't been an asshole and betrayed her. Maybe she would have knew I needed a friend right now. Someone to confide in. Maybe she wouldn't even have to know that I was there, because I'd have the balls to call her. To tell her to sneak out like she always did. To climb up her window and spend the night on her bedroom floor, until I was ready to face my demons again.

My heart was beating out of my chest. My palms were sweaty. And I couldn't cease the crashing of my feet against the pavement. I thought I had it in me to face her. I thought I was ready. I thought I was prepared to see the look on her face when she saw me. What would she do? Would she be happy to see me? Of course not. After all the shit I'd put her through, I just knew that she would hate me more than she already did. And I thought I was ready for everything else, but I knew, I just knew that I wasn't ready for her to hate me forever.

I backed away from the porch cautiously. I didn't want to make a sound. No one needed to know I was there. The minute I stepped back onto the street, I regretted it. I was a coward. Just like my mother. And nothing I ever did, or anything that anyone ever said could convince me otherwise. I mean she was hurting my father, and she had the audacity to walk around like she was a queen. But I couldn't judge her. Because I had hurt Rider, and I was too afraid to man up and take responsibility for my actions. I didn't know if I had  hurt her or if I was still hurting her, but that didn't make me any less of a recreant. See, the thing about knowing if you're hurting someone or if you have hurt someone can be really dangerous. When you know you're hurting someone, that pain is still being inflicted on them. They haven't healed, and you never know what people can do when they're hurt. When you have hurt someone, They're not hurt anymore, they're stronger, and they know what to expect. And once that pain has subsided, they could move on and never look back.