assigned emotion

9: exponentially worse

theo

     "Are you sure that you're comfortable with me sleeping next to you? I can take the couch, I really don't mind," Tanner frowned, rolling his eyes at Theo's remark.

       "Shush. You're the guest. If you're uncomfortable, then I'll sleep on the couch." Theo sighed in reply to his words.

       "I'm not uncomfortable, I feel bad. I don't wanna freak you out." Tanner, sighing again, grabbed Theo's wrist and pulled him down to sit by his side.

       "I'm not scared uncomfortable. It's fine. Sharing a bed really isn't weird." Theo nodded shortly.

       "Okay. Okay, I just-" Theo hesitated and then sighed, holding his head in his hands.

       "Are you uncomfortable with it?" Tanner asked, raising his eyebrows.

        "No, I don't know, I just- it feels weird, you know? Like- I don't know, just weird."

       "I'll sleep on the couch, okay?"

       "Absolutely not. If anyone is, it's me. This is your home. I won't let you do that. I'm not going to be that much of a burden."

        "You already are," said Tanner jokingly. Despite his light tone, a jolt of hurt shot though Theo.

          "Yeah, I know. Sorry."

          "I'm kidding," Tanner said, turning off the light and sitting down on his bed.

          "Okay," Theo muttered, pulling the blankets over his head and rolling onto his side. He heard Tanner shuffle around and do the same, facing away from Theo.

Going to sleep was always very hard for him, even before the accident. He consistently found himself thinking about everything happening to him, particularly the negatives. It felt like no matter what he did, everyone hated him. He wanted to desperately to be liked, but it just didn't work. His mother had enjoyed his company, or at least pretended she did, but she was gone now. Which was his fault.

Theo felt like crying all over again. He was so exhausted of everything and everyone, he just wanted to sleep and sleep and sleep. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, pressing his palms against his eyelids. He felt his shoulders begin to tremble, always a telltale sign of oncoming tears. Don't. Don't cry. Please don't cry, he thought to himself. You're so much of a burden already, don't make it worse. Of course, just the thought of that opened the floodgates behind his eyes and tears slowly climbed their way down his cheeks. He stifled a sob, trying to subdue his shaking and hide his crying from Tanner. However, his luck was evidently not great, so that didn't work. 

      "You're shaking," Tanner mumbled, rolling onto his back. "You having a seizure or something?"

     "No," Theo whispered, but it came out far more strangled and hiccupy than he'd attempted it to.

      "Shit, Theo, are you crying?" Tanner quickly asked, pushing himself up in bed.

      "No," he repeated, his voice quite obviously thick with tears.

            "Oh, god. Theo, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that, it was mean. I was joking, seriously. I didn't mean it." Theo knit his brows in confusion.

        "What are you talking about?" He asked, rubbing his eyes.

        "I called you a burden. Oh god, that's so messed up. Why did I say that? I was joking, seriously. I didn't mean it, I swear. You're not a burden."