For the next week, Connor and Troye went everywhere together. Sometimes there were others; Bethany, Tyde, Blessing. More often than not, there was only them, and whispers between Troye's family that he could catch not even a snatch of. But he couldn't say he minded. Maybe he liked Connor a little. There was no point lying; Troye liked him. He wanted to be everything Connor saw. So when Connor wanted to go somewhere, Troye would go, without question.
There is something about walking at 2am that cannot be explained until you are walking at 2am and suddenly you want to share all your secrets with the night. But the night is always interrupting, with crickets and cars. It listened, but Connor listened and more; he cared. Troye told him everything; how he'd first known he was gay, what he wanted to do in the future, that sort of thing. And then more, so much more, so many words it felt like the blood in his veins was pouring out into thoughts he had never been able to put into words before. How he felt walking at 2am, how sometimes he felt alone even when surrounded by people, how he was scared he would never feel that something more in a relationship. And Troye wasn't the only one. He learnt everything about Connor. He'd always been a close friend; Troye knew his subway order, knew his favourite type of coffee. But this was so much more, like Connor was giving him a part of himself, and as Troye began to see his soul he thought, 'Here is someone I could love. Here is a place I could call home.'
One night they got lost in the city with only each other and a bottle of whiskey. 'I think,' Troye told Connor, 'I wouldn't mind being lost here forever.' 'Then you wouldn't be lost anymore,' Connor told him. 'You would know the city.' It's not the city I want to be lost with, Troye thought, and it's not the city I want to know. But he couldn't say it. So he took another sip of whiskey and prayed for the day that he could speak the words that whirled through his mind like a hurricane.
They sat in a park. Connor asked Troye to take a photo of him, so he did. He asked Troye how it looked and he told him it was beautiful. Connor didn't meet his eyes. Troye didn't call him beautiful again.
The days felt like they were shortening, and Troye was desperate to spend every second with Connor. He woke him up at 5 in the morning to watch the sunrise. Connor groaned and told him sunsets were much prettier than sunrises. 'Sunsets are endings,' Troye told him. 'Please?'
They watched the sun rise on a day that had never been seen before as they sat on the shore of a lake they might never see again in a city that made them feel so lost they might never find themselves. As the sun peeked over the horizon, Troye looked at Connor and he was staring straight back, and a part of Troye was crying out to kiss him but he simply smiled and turned back to the new day, hoping today he would be braver.
They met so many people they would never see again. The people had so many words for them; cute, sweet, adorable, and one word, always: couple. At first Troye and Connor would stumble over their words and misunderstandings, but then an old lady stopped them in the street and told them that they reminded her of her grandson and his partner. Troye stuttered out an 'oh, we're not-' before Connor smiled brightly and thanked her, pulling Troye to his side. If Troye said he'd tried to stop him, he'd be lying.
Troye's feelings grew.
He took Connor to the studio and played him his songs. It was one thing to email them, another to watch Connor as he heard Troye's music for the first time, heard everything he had ever felt expressed in the only way he knew how.
'It's honest,' Connor told him. He didn't need to say any more. He understood Troye. Troye loved him.
The last day, Troye woke up with tears on his pillow and he knew why. Tyde was watching from the other bed. Tyde was always watching. It was unnerving. Troye wasn't sure how much he could see. He met Connor in the lobby, and asked him about his flight. 'Yeah, I booked it,' Connor said. Troye's stomach dropped. It was selfish, but he didn't care anymore. This was the city he had fallen in love with. This was the city he had fallen in love in. Leaving was letting go of everything and hoping it wouldn't shatter. 'But they didn't have seats on the flight to LA,' Connor told him. Troye's eyes snapped back to Connor's face. 'I decided the next best thing was Perth. Practically the same thing, right?'
Troye couldn't tell if he meant it as more than a joke. He didn't know if both could be Connor's home. He didn't ask. One day, he would be braver. Instead Troye hugged him and walked along the beach with him and thought that leaving would not be so bad anymore. Their hands brushed and Connor didn't pull away. Troye remembered the day he had called him beautiful, and remembered seeing Connor lock himself away. Troye didn't reach out, didn't risk it. One day, he told himself, one day I will be braver. I have to be.
(A/N) sorry this shit got deep really fast lmao I'm either writing overemotional stuff or badly written stuff there is no inbetween but idk thanks for reading this if you're reading it and ily yo bye
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Hi Sydney (Tronnor)
FanfictionDistance makes the heart grow fonder - someone stronger than me. Connor finds himself telling a lot of people to follow their hearts lately- it's a little inspirational, he likes to think, but mainly hypocritical. He can't seem to take his own advi...
