The Death of Dreams (Frankiana)

Chapter 18

Diana's POV

Pinag-isipan ko ng mabuti ang mga sinabi ni Mae buong gabi. 10pm pumunta ako ng kusina para uminom lang ng tubig at bumalik na sa kwarto. Nagising ata si Franki.

"Can't sleep?." Tanong niya. Tumabi naman ako sa kanya sa kama. Umupo lang kami.

"Are you still thinking about the secret ingredient?." Tanong pa nya, looking at me.

"Hindi. I was just thinking about what Mae said kanina."

"What about it?."

"That men doesn't want to be perceived as weak and helpless. I remembered my dad. I never saw him cry, not a single tear from his eyes. And I get it now why he doesn't eat onions that much. It's because he doesn't want me to see him teary eyed while he's chopping them." Ano bayan, naiiyak nako.

Niyakap ako ni Franki, rubbing my back.

"And you know what that means? That he'd rather slowly let himself die than let me see him cry. That hit me really hard in here *pointed my heart* because I never saw it coming. He was dying and I have no idea Franki. I feel like life is a joke that no one laughs 'cause no one gets the point. We only care about the punch line in the end that we underate the process of getting there." Tuluyan na akong naiyak habang naaalala ko kung gaano kasakit nang nangyari yun.

I miss dad more each day. Well mom, I never had any memories with her that I treasured. She treats me terribly since I was young. I hated the food she offered. Mom is truly bad at cooking. She always had her eyes for Kuya Bryan. Syempre, paboritong anak niya yun. He's good at everything and he never disappointed mom's high expectations.

Nung bata nga ako, inggit na inggit ako sa kanya. He's almost good at everything pwera lang sa pagluluto kaya ko pinag-aralan to ng mabuti para may signature din ako. I want to follow dad's footsteps kahit na pinipigilan ako ni mommy.

Franki cupped my face staring intently to my eyes,

"I love you and I will always be proud of you." She sincerely said.

"W-what?."

"Kunwari lang ako ang daddy mo. Isipin mo na yan mismo ang sasabihin niya sayo."

And I just looked at her, pero I couldn't see my dad but I still told her,

"I love you so much."

..

Franki's POV

Alam kong kunwari lang pero sht kinikilig ako, para kasing sakin nya mismo sinasabi yun eh. Nagulat ako when she sighed really deep,

"And I mean that." She said with a smile as she kissed me on my forehead. Natulala nalang ako. This time, hindi nako nananaginip. Kalma self, it's just a friendly kiss.

"Goodnight Franki." Sabi niya at nauna nang mahiga na nakatalikod sakin.

Humiga narin ako ng nakatalikod sa kanya. Para akong tanga kasi di ko mapigilang mapangiti. Diana, ano ba tong ginagawa mo sakin? Kailangan ko na ata talaga ng psychiatric assistance nito.

KINABUKASAN

Tinulungan niya kong maglaba ng mga damit namin.

"Dalawang araw nalang pala pupunta na tayo sa New Zealand." Sabi ko.

"Oo nga eh, excited narin ako para makilala ang mommy mo."

"And ate din, syempre. Pwede tayo dun magstay before and after your competition, sana malapit lang dun yung venue no?."

"Sana nga. Pero are you sure you're okay na?."

"Oo naman, ako pa. Malakas to. Maganda pa."sabi niya with a wink kaya tinapunan ko sya ng mga bula.

"Gosh you're so full of yourself haha."

"Iba ang feelingera sa honest Franki."

"Ewan ko sayo, ang dami mong alam. Ayoko nang magsalita baka nasermunan mo na naman ako ng according to blablabla hahaha."

"Ang saya mo ngayon no? Haha."

"Bakit? Mali bang maging masaya?."

"Hindi naman. Ang weird lang."

"Anong weird?."

"Na natutuwa parin ako kapag nakikita kitang masaya."

"Ang corny mo, alam mo yun."

"Uy, hindi yun pick up line. Sinasabi ko lang ang totoo, baka kasi di ko na yan masabi sayo kahit kailan. It's now or never, life is too short Franki." She told me with the sincerest intention. Alam mo yung ganitong feeling na bigla nalang kayong matatahimik in the middle of a serious conversation.

Yung ramdam nyo ang bawat paghinga ng isa't isa, na parang basang basa nyo na ang mga laman ng isip nyo, na parang isang tao lang kayo. That's what I'm feeling right now. Diana is making me feel like I'm talking to the best version of myself na hindi na kailangang magtalo ang laman ng puso at isipan ko.

Of course,I have fantasized of kissing her for a couple of times pero I never had the guts to do that. It's too scary, too risky. I wouldn't even dare risk our friendship for my own selfish desires.

Nakatitig na pala kami sa isa't isa ng isang mahabang minuto kaya lumihis nako ng tingin. Hindi pwede Franki. Wag mo nang ituloy yan, masasaktan ka lang. She's not falling for you, nililinlang ka lang ng nararamdaman mo. Ganyan lang talaga siya.

"K-kunin ko lang yung iba dun sa loob." Change topic ko.

Pagkatapos naming maglaba, magkasama din namin itong sinampay. Hanggang sa kumakain na kami ng lunch at naghuhugas, wala paring nagsasalita.

Nakahalata na ata si Diana sakin at na awkward sya sa idea. Ayan na nga bang sinasabi ko sayo Franki, nagpapakita ka rin kasi ng motibo. Eh siya ang nauna. Kahit na, di mo nalang sana sinabayan. Ayan tuloy, naloka si Ate Girl.

Alas tres ng hapon, medyo busy sya sa phone niya kaya I asked her to,

"Ah Diana, may bago akong movie. We could watch it together." Sabi ko as I sat beside her on the bed with my laptop. Binaba nya naman ang phone niya.

"What is it?."

"It's Mulan. Live action."

"Mmm about empowered women. Okay." Sabi niya. Napangiti naman ako, atleast may iba na kaming mapag-uusapan at para mawala narin yung parang awkward atmosphere between us.

"Pero teka lang ah, kukunin ko lang yung projector at speaker." Paalam ko.

"Kailangan ba talaga?."

"Oo, para nice yung experience. Dapat kasi sana yayayain kitang magsine, kaya lang medyo dapat nating magtipid ngayon kaya ito nalang muna."

"I love the effort Franki ah, pero really--di mo na kailangan gawin to. Kahit manood lang tayo sa laptop mo, okay nako."

"Diana, a person like you shouldn't settle for less. You deserve the best. Kaya hayaan mo na akong gawin to."

"Okay, fine."

Kaya iyon nga ang ginawa ko, tinulungan niya naman ako sa pagset-up sabay patay namin sa ilaw ng kwarto.