Just A Kiss

Chapter 10: AnnaLyn

A/N: sorry I haven't updated in like 200 years it's just you know SCHOOOOOL SUUUUCKS. But yeah sorry guys but I finally had some time to write a little but because I have pnuemonia so I get to stay home from school :') anyways... Enjoy!

***

I look over at Jackson, taking a sip from the glass of unfamiliar liquid that makes my head feel fuzzy. "What did I just say?"

"H-E-double hockey sticks." He says, casually.

"What? I did not."

"You did." Jackson nods.

I sigh. My mind races with anger and guilt and stress all at once. "I need to go home, Jackson. I need a break."

"Break from what?" He asks.

"I don't know, I just need to think."

"You can think here." He says, grabbing my hand.

"Thanks but," I pause. "I need to be alone." I stand up, letting go of his hand.

"Are you sure?" Jackson asks.

"Yeah." I try to smile. "Thanks for helping me with homework."

"Your welcome." He stands up. "See ya later." He kisses me softly.

***

I get in my truck and cry. I cry and cry but I have no idea what for. I just sit in Jackson's driveway and cry like a baby.

After a couple minutes, I put the truck in reverse. I can barely see through the water in my eyes, so everything is a blur. It doesn't help that it is getting dark.

I look to my left, seeing Caleb's house and I feel plain guilty.

I feel sick, but not sick. I feel tired, but not tired. I feel worthless, but loved.

I make a turn onto a road I don't recognize. Unsure where I'm going, I just turn up the radio and drive.

My truck stops in the middle of the road, the engine slowly turning off.

"You've got to be kidding me." I say, twisting the key in the ignition. The truck sounds like a dying cow.

"Dammit!" I shout then immediately put my hand on my mouth.

I put my forehead on the top if the steering wheel and cry.

"Why me?" I mumble through my sobs. I sit up and turn the key again. The engine groans for a second, then comes to life.

I sigh.

***

I walk through my front door and take off my shoes.

"AnnaLyn?" My mom calls from the kitchen.

"Yeah?" I say through a tight throat.

"Can I talk to you?" She walks around the corner. My makeup must be smeared because se asks, "oh honey what's the matter?"

"It's just homework. I have so much of it and it's just frustrating." I lie, only making me feel more guilty.

"Oh it'll be okay Anna." She says and I walk to my room.

***

I look at Caleb's number on my phone. I want to call him, but I don't. What does he think of me right now? I've been a total jerk.

My thumb hovers over the call button, but it won't move. My heart wants to call him, but my mind doesn't.

What the heck am I doing.

I click the call button and nervously put the phone to my ear.

I feel like the phone rings forever before his voicemail picks up.

Caleb always answers his phone.

Now I've done it. Now he hates me and I've ruined everything.

What the heck happened to me? What did I do wrong that caused all of this?

I think of the time I ate lunch with Jackson, and Caleb sat by us, then left without saying goodbye. I think of when I woke up in that bed with Jackson and that horrible feeling I had.

Was I clueless?

I drive back to Jackson's house.

***

"Hey, you're back." Jackson says, opening his door to let me in.

"Yeah." Is all I say.

Jackson leads me downstairs again and we sit on the couch. Jackson pulls out a box of cigarettes and puts one in his mouth.

"You smoke?" He asks.

My mind races. What would he think of me if I said no?

"I'll take one." I say grabbing one from the box. He lights it up for me and I just hold it in my hand.

Jackson just watches me. I put the little stick in my mouth and suck in the awfulness.

It tastes like crap, smells like crap, feels like crap.

Yet it tastes so good, smells so good, feels so good.

I blow out the smoke.

Jackson puts his arm around me and we sit in comfortable silence.