F*ck It

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This wasn't supposed to happen.

I had just started my new job, was making friends, focusing on me, this wasn't how things were supposed to go.

The day before was full of laughter and playful banter. Kylo's parents seemed to like me and I felt at home there.

After one afternoon of pasta and pool time, I was invited to the family barbecue.

Kylo: you get to meet my grandma tonight
Rey: isn't that something your girlfriend should be doing?
Kylo: if she lived out here, she probably would.

I rolled my eyes. I don't hate his girlfriend, I had never actually met her. I just know they had been together for 2 years and she was the only reason I wasn't trying to make him my boyfriend.

I pull in the drive way, waving hi to his dad who also worked at the docking bay with us. 

He must have seen me from the window and came to greet me with a giant hug. I embrace Kylo. "How was the gym?"

"Not bad. How was the drive?"

"Not bad." We released. "I forgot my swimsuit."

"Guess we will have to find something else to do."

"Any ideas?" I smirked and cocked an eyebrow.

"Shut up." He playfully pushed my arm and I smiled.

We head upstairs to his room and flop down on to the daybed. We talk back and forth until he receives a text from his grandma telling him to come socialize.

The atmosphere is welcoming. Smiles and laughs can be seen and heard as his grandma and aunt greet me and a couple family friends.

The smell of hot dogs fill the air and the  bugs try to get in on the feast. Kylo's adopted sister, Connix, splashes in the pool urging us to go for a dip, but I tell her I forgot my swimsuit.

The evening carries to night and we sneak back to his room.

I playfully crawl under the blankets on his daybed and watch him sit at his desk.

He looks over at me cocking an eyebrow and getting a giggle in return. "Are you really stealing my bed?"

"Theres room for two." I use the blanket to cover my grin.

"Yeah if I lay on top of you."

"No." I laugh.

"Oh yeah? Wanna bet?"

"Bet." I pull the blanket back and make room scouting futher back into the bed. He turns the light off on his desk, the only light truly lighting the room.

He comes over, his tall frame being lit by the porch light sneaking through the window. He sinks into the bed next to me. "Told you so." I smile and he puts an arm out to which I lift my head and use it as a pillow as I stare at him.

"Yeah whatever, you're basically cuddling up to me."

"You put your arm out and no this, " I lift my leg and lazily drape it on his and place my arm on his chest. "Now I'm cuddling."

I see him lightly smile and not protest.

"This is nice." He speaks up after a minute.

We lie in peace, eyes closed, breathing matched. He kisses the top of my head and I can't help, but think about how his lips would feel on mine.

I open my eyes and look at him in debate. The past couple days this was a trend for us. He'd kiss my cheek or head and I'd debate if it meant that he'd actually choose me over Laci.

The memory of him telling me about how he had been with her for years and how they have a future planned together. The next memory to counter is the one of him telling me if she wasn't in the picture that he'd make me his girlfriend and that softly gives me a glimpse of hope that we could be something more.

I continue my stare into his eyes in the dim light covering our twining bodies.

I watch his eyes look at my lips and back into my eyes. "Fuck it." He breathes out and closes the space between us.

I pull his body close and grip his shirt afraid that at any moment he will remember her and push me away, but instead his free arm pulls my body closer.

Our kiss turns into passionate kissing as he rubs my back and I loosen my grip.

We break for air and he presses his forehead against mine.

I wait a moment for him to apologize or say it's a mistake, but he doesn't, so I go in for another kiss.

This one carrying just as much passion as the last, but is only a single long one, not wanting to overstep, but needing at least one more.

"Kylo." I breathe once I pull away.

He caresses my face and I smile at the gesture.

With our foreheads resting against each other I can't help but think about what could possibly be going through his head. Had he finally chosen me?

The day plays like a cheesy romantic montage in my head. His family welcoming me with open arms at the barbecue, Connix telling him that I'm a keeper, and our lightsaber training. The amount of trust I have for him to not hurt me even though he is centimeters away from my face and limbs. I should have flinched, but I didn't. After knowing him for two weeks and I trust him more than I probably should.

I've told him about my trust and abandonment issues and he understands me. I've opened up to him about my not so lovely past and he sits and listens, somehow knowing when and what to respond.

"Rey." He whispers drawing me back to the moment.

"Kylo." I swallow hard. "What's going through your mind?"

"A fucking tornado."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really. I don't even know what to say."

"Okay." I suck my bottom lip in a little knowing that the moment has probably past and regret is more than likely setting in for him.

"But I know what I'm going to do." His lips clash onto mine and the bliss kicks in.

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