Saved

XV

Rick and Lori named the baby Elizabeth, after Riley. It was her middle name. No, not was. Is. She's alive. She has to be. She's strong. 

Honestly, in my runs now... when I look for her, I'm not looking for her. I'm scanning ever face of the dead to see if it's my wife. I'm looking over every outfit, every woman with brown hair, even when I know it's not remotely the same. But when I'm out there, I know I'm not going to find her. I mean, it's been a month. A month of constantly searching. Going further and further out, and no sign. No trace of her, or anything that suggests any living being has been in the area. 

But today, today I'm supposed to put that aside. Rick asked Merle and I to go on a run with Carl to look for baby stuff. A crib, a playpen, a carseat, all the things that we never had enough time to get for Dale. So we're going into town. It'll be or first trip there, so we're taking a small team, and since Glenn still isn't healed up enough to keep up, Carl is our stand-in runner. 

He'll be fine, he's a smart kid. Makes good decisions, good shot, honestly if I had to pick between him and Glenn, I'd pick Carl. At least he knows when to shut up. 

"You ready?" Carl asked, coming over to where Merle and I were standing, Merle was sharpening the new blade he made to attach to his arm, and I was checking my arrows. Both of us had been waiting on Carl to finish whatever it is he was doing, so it honestly kind of annoyed me that he was asking us if we were ready. 

"Yeah. Let's go short-stack." I said, moving out the doors of the hospital into the bright sunshine. It had to be about a hundred degrees outside. Welcome to Georgia. 

"Where we goin' first?" Merle asked gruffly, hopping down the stairs after me, and hopping in the passenger seat while I moved to the front. Once I was in I turned to look at Carl who seemed grumpy about being in the back. 

"You used to live here. Where to?" I said simply, and he looked shocked and pleased to kinda being handed the lead. 

"Uh, go straight and then turn left. At the big light, turn right. That'll put us in the center of town. From there we can walk. Check out the shops. See what's left." He explained, pointing to where he wanted us to go, and I nodded. 

"Great. Sounds good. Make sure I don't miss the turn. I'm bad with directions." I said gruffly, turning back to start up the car. 

"Yeah I remember, Riley used to always tell you where to go when we were driving." Carl said, a little snottily, and when I glanced back at him, he was glaring at the side of my face. I can't even blame him. 

"Yeah. She was real good with directions." I said simply, trying not to say anything to make him more pissed at me, but it seems I did anyway. 

"Why'd you do it?" Carl asked, a rude tint to his voice that I had only heard directed at his ma. Never anyone else. 

"Do what?" I asked slowly, glancing back at him again. He had his hand clenched around his gun, and I'm sure if he were a lesser kid, and not aware that if he shot me, I'd swear the car and we'd all die, I'd have a bullet through my skull. 

"You asshole. Cheat on her. With Carol. Why'd you do it." He growled out, grinding his teeth so it almost seemed like he had to force each word out. I made the left hand turn. 

"I wanted to give Dale a mom. I know... it doesn't make sense now. Since Riley woke up. But at the time... Carol said that she was going to die. Said that Hershel said it'd be a miracle if she ever woke up at all, let alone woke up and wasn't a vegetable. So... I made sure Carol would be Dale's mom. I grew up without a ma. I know how awful it is. I didn't want that for my son. I know it was horrible. I felt horrible doing it. But it happened. And I regret it every second Carl. I love your Aunt. I really do. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. And i wish I could go back and take it back. But I can't. So I'm doing everything I can to make it up now. I'm really sorry. I know this isn't just affecting me. It's affecting you, and your dad, and everyone else too. But I'm sorry." I glanced back at Carl again, and he nodded, and he seemed less pissed off, but he looked more confused. 

"Why'd you keep doing it then? If it was just to give Dale a mom, why'd you keep cheating on her when she woke up? Why'd you drive her away from us?" I saw the big light coming up, and I knew I needed to be quick. 

"I was afraid. Afraid of being alone. I knew that as soon as she found out about Carol and I she'd leave. And I didn't want to be alone. So I clung to the one I'd know stay. I wish I hadn't. I wish I had just taken the chance and told Riley and tried to make it up to her here. I wish I had been the one to tell her instead of Merle. And I wish I hadn't ignored her for the two weeks when she was standing right in front of me. But there's nothing I, or you, or anyone else can do to fix it. We just have to keep trying to find her. And if we do, I promise you I'm gonna fight like hell to get her back." I looked back at Carl, and he nodded, so I finally turned down the big street at the light, and once I saw what was around the corner I slammed on the breaks. 

"What the fuck is that?" 

A trap Merle. It's a trap for Walkers.