Saved

XIX

"Mommy?" Dale whispered, his head laying on my chest. He was supposed to be sleeping, I had boarded us up into the second floor of the house we had cleared, and I had the ladder sitting by the window just in case we needed a quick getaway. It has to be close to midnight by now, and I had thought he had been sleeping for awhile already. 

"Yeah baby?" I whispered back, stroking my hand through his soft dark hair, wishing he would just go to sleep. 

"Can you tell me a story about Daddy again?" My fingers froze in his hair, and I shuddered out a breath. It had been at least six months since he had asked for a story about Daryl, and I had thought he had forgotten about him. I never lied to him when he asked about Daryl of course, but he is still young, and he doesn't get it yet. He doesn't get that we probably will never see Daryl again. 

"Yeah baby. Which story do you want to hear?" I whispered, starting up my fingers in his hair again. 

"Can you tell me how you met again Mommy?" I sighed and nodded. 

"Well... Uncle Merle had done a big silly, and he had been cuffed to a pipe on a roof by Uncle Rick. We were trapped up there, lots of walkers were down below us, and Uncle Merle had been shooting at them, trying to clear them out but it just drew more in. Uncle Rick went with Uncle Glenn to get a car so we could leave, and when the others were going to leave, Andrea ran into me and I dropped the keys to Uncle Merle's cuffs. So I stayed with him while the others left, and when Uncle Rick came back to get us, he brought Daddy with him. Daddy was so angry that Merle had been left on the roof. He yelled horrible things at me, saying how it was my fault. But Uncle Merle defended me, he said that I should be treated with respect, since I stayed up there with him when everyone else left. So, we got past it. We went down to get Uncle Rick's guns, and my car, and I was taken by a group of men. Daddy, Uncle Rick, Uncle Merle, Uncle Glenn and T-Dog fought so hard to get me back. And when they did, they all found out that the men were protecting a bunch of old people. Grandmas and Grandpas. Trying to keep them safe. When we left, we went to the camp where everyone else was waiting for us. Your Aunt Lori, and your cousin Carl. Baby Elizabeth wasn't born yet, so she wasn't there, but a lot of our friends were. That night, we were attacked by walkers. A lot of people died, and your Daddy saved me." I paused, staring down at his head, hoping he had fallen asleep.... but... 

"So Daddy saved you, and so you married him? But he was mean to you Mommy." Dale said softly, in that sweet little voice of his that I loved. 

"No baby, Daddy was scared when he met me. He was afraid for his brother's life and I had dropped the key that would have saved him. But your Daddy loved me. He was sweet, and kind and gentle, and he loved you so much. That's why I married him." I watched as his little head turned up to look at me, his blue eyes meeting my green. 

"If he loved us, then why did he let us leave Mommy?" 

"He didn't let us leave baby. He didn't have a choice. When he hurt me, I left with you. I didn't tell him where I was going, or leave him any signs that we were okay. But he found us. He wanted us to go back with him. You were four months old, and I wanted to go back with him. But he didn't make me happy anymore, and I wanted you to have a happy life, not a sorrowful one. He didn't have a choice in letting us leave. I told him what I was going to do, and he had no choice. But he loves you baby. I'm sure he still loves you." He nodded his head against my chest, and closed his eyes slowly, fading off into sleep, but he broke through one last time to say one simple thing. 

"He still loves you too Mommy." 

And my heart broke, once more, for my poor son, forced to grow up without a father, and for me, forced to raise my son on my own because of my husbands failures, and my own choices.