Solecism

CHAPTER SEVEN

Yue's POV

Sighing, I dangle my feet listlessly, arms wrapped around the railings bars as I gaze down at the clouds below. It's six in the morning, and I have still yet to go to sleep. I'm not even sure why it bothers me so much that Jimin visited the whorehouse, it isn't as if I've actually agreed to be his wife, and even if I had he's a God.

What right do I have to dictate anything to a God?

I mean, for fuck's sake, he's the literal embodiment of lust! I must be out of my mind, and for the first time I find myself wishing that he wasn't always so goddamned nice to me. Maybe I've been treated too well, and forgotten my place, but somehow, it seems that I've become attached to Jimin.

"What are you even thinking, dummy? This is a good thing right? If he's getting his jollies elsewhere he's less likely to chase after you. That's what you want right?"

I scoff, feeling ridiculous for talking to myself and unable to deny that I honestly don't really know just what I want. All of this would be so much easier if I did.

It's laughable, but right now I almost wish I were still employed and living within the cleaning sector. As shitty as life had been there, at least I'd never had to face such confusing emotions. Maybe I would have been happier never having met the Gods, although a piece of my heart aches at the very idea.

Gloomily, I return to staring at the clouds below, and I don't even bother to look up when I hear the sounds of footsteps, nor when the source of those footsteps settles down on the ground beside me. From the corner of my eye, I notice a pair of slender legs pushing through the bars, same as mine, and I can immediately tell exactly who it is that has come to rest beside me.

"Hey Hoseok, " I greet my companion solemnly, eyes still downcast.

"Hey yourself, " he replies cheerfully.

I can almost hear the smile in his voice, and while normally this would naturally pull a smile out of me as well, I'm far too consumed with whatever it is that I'm going through to manage this time.

"What's got you so gloomy? When I noticed you I was half afraid you were planning to jump off or something..."

I snort, wondering why it is that such an idea never occurred to me. Even now, I don't really find the idea of dying so uselessly very appealing at all, and I sigh once more, this time in resignation.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, " I confess sourly, "I think I might be losing my mind."

"Is this about Jiminie's, uh... Extracurricular activities?"

"That's one way to put it, " I huff angrily. "Logically I know that it shouldn't matter, and that it isn't really my place to be angry about what he chooses to do with his body... I really don't understand why I'm so upset. It doesn't make sense, and that's frusterating."

Hoseol chuckles quietly in amusement, and I fix him with a questioning look.

"Look, " he replies, "matters of the heart aren't always so clear cut."

"No kidding, " I retort tersely.

For a moment, silence reigns supreme as the both of us attempt to gather our thoughts. Hoseok, it seems, is quicker to do so than I am, so he is the first to speak.

"You know, " he says, "I'm sure if you talked to Jimin about it you'd be able to work something out. He is the one who asked you to marry him after all, I know he can be a little intimidating at times, but our Jiminie isn't that heartless. He's just not used to caring for someone like that, you know?"

I snort derisively, clearly Hoseok doesn't understand just why I'm so confused about all of this in the first place.

"Yeah, " I reply sarcastically, "I can just imagine how well that would go over, asking the God of Lust not to screw around, especially when I won't sleep with him myself."

"Well why won't you? You're obviously attracted to him."

"It's not that simple, " I sigh, deflating like a balloon at the idea of trying to explain the way I feel about my situation.

"I don't see why it can't be that simple."

"There's a lot of reasons, " I admit quietly.

"Are you one of those women who prefer to wait for marriage, or true love?"

His question causes a slight chuckle to erupt from my throat, but I quickly clamp it down.

"Not exactly, " I reply. "To be honest, I can't say I ever gave it much thought before, but it isn't like that. Though, to be honest, I'd prefer to know that my partner at least cares about me to some extent."

I pause for a moment, gathering my chaotic thoughts as best I can.

"Then what is it?"

"What happens to me if I do sleep with him?" I point out. "I'm not exactly experienced, so I don't have any confidence in my ability to please him. What if, after getting what he claims he wants, he decides that I'm useless after all? Will I be tossed back to the side? I've become so fond of all of you, I really can't bear the thought... Which is the crux of yet another reason..."

Taking a deep breath, I steel myself. I'm about to admit to something that I never thought I'd say, something that I haven't wanted to say aloud because of just how shameless it makes me feel.

"Truth be told, it isn't just Jimin that I'm attracted to. It's getting really hard to live with myself, I've become so greedy. It isn't fair to myself, or to anyone else for me to take that leap. Not when I can't even stop thinking about other people."

I turn my head to the side to face Hoseok, expecting to see judgement, or disgust, but to my surprise I am met with neither. Rather, Hoseok is smiling brightly, seemingly not in the least disturbed by my admission.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about, " he chuckles softly, "you're stressing yourself out for nothing. We're Gods you know, we don't play by the same rules that humanity does. Besides, I've never seen Jiminie so obsessed with a female before, nor have I ever witnessed him display such... Consideration for a woman."

"That's easy for you to say, " I sigh in defeat.

Hoseok's words should make me feel better, after all, he knows Jimin and the rest of his bretheren far better than I do. But it doesn't, because somehow I find it so incredibly hard to believe.

"To be honest, I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this. It's been almost two months, and living here has felt like a dream. Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could sleep with anyone. I freeze up at the very idea of being intimate with anyone, all of this just feels incredibly unnatural and unreal."

I nearly jump out of my skin as Hoseok's fingers make contact with my chin, and he chuckles huskily, clearly amused.

"On the contrary, it could be as natural as breathing, if you'd just give it a chance."

Nervously, I gulp.

"Are we still talking about Jimin?"

"Maybe, " Hoseok replies cheekily. "Maybe not."

His eyes grow serious, and an expression unlike any I've ever seen Hoseok wear flits across his delicate features.

"I could show you. How good it can feel, how natural it could be... If you can do it with me, doing it with Jiminie should be easy. Nobody would hold it against you, I promise."

I am hypnotized by the sincerity in his eyes,  unable to push him away despite that little voice in my brain that screams this is a terrible idea.

"At this rate, " I think to myself as his lips dance softly with my own, "I'm absolutely doomed."