Is This Really Real? (Billie Eilish)

Chapter |11|

I'm sorry I hadn't updated. Are any of you still here?

Billie's point of view:

"You don't want me anymore?" I asked, my mind running a million thoughts a minute and my heart beating so hard I could practically hear it. I knew that this was too good to last.

"No. Billie, I'm not saying that, I just," an exasperated sigh escaped her plumped lips. "I don't think I can keep doing this in-between shit, I just can't. I know that you don't do relationships because commitment isn't something you do, I don't know what you want and it's stressing me the hell out." The brunette ran both of her hands through her hair. "I don't want to get hurt again."

I stood there, unsure of what to say, my mind being engulfed with a million questions. What happened in her past relationship? Does she think I would purposely hurt her? I would never hurt her.

Almost a minute of silence had gone by when I was brought out of my thoughts by the now anxious older girl. "Bil, please say something.."

"What do you want me to say, Elle? I know that what we have right now isn't ideal, you don't want what ever this is, you want to be in a relationship. The last time I was in a committed relationship I got my heart broken, I'm not saying this to hurt you, but I don't think I am ready for commitment. Sex is all I know, I haven't been in a relationship in a long time," pausing, I placed my hands on my face before dragging them down.

"I want you, I really fucking do. I'm trying to change, I've been giving into the idea of trying to be in a relationship again, we're more than just friends and we're not even fuck buddies. That's more than what I do."

"I understand that, I love that you've been trying and I love what we have. You're different than anyone I've ever met, sure the whole you being famous thing isn't ideal, but I can accommodate to that. I can't keep doing this, either we actually try and see where this goes or we just stay friends."

"I don't know, Elle. I-" I stop and scratch my arm pretty hard that there were red marks from where I had scratched with my fingers. "I can't, I can't do a relationship." That was the last thing I said before grabbing my things and heading out the front door, the twins had tried to talk to me but I just told them that I had to go.

How could she ask me out of no where what I want? How could she tell me that she can't keep doing what we are doing? I'm comfortable with the way things are between us right now, doesn't she know that?

I unlocked my car before getting in, once I was inside I turned it on and then pulled my phone out of my pockets and dialed a number.

"Hello?" A feminine voice is what I heard after a few seconds of waiting for someone to pick up the phone.

"Hey, are you free?"

"Um, yeah. I just got home from working out, why?" The husky voice said and I heard the sound of her setting down her keys.

"Can I come over?" I bit my lip, I honestly just need a distraction, I don't want to think about how I told Elle that I don't want a relationship. Maybe not pursuing a relationship with her is for the best considering that I'll be gone for almost an entire year on tour after I perform in Montana.

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•Elle's point of view•

It's been nearly over a week since Billie told me that she couldn't do a relationship and I feel like maybe I wasted my time. At first I had thought that we could be.. meant for each other? I know I probably sound stupid saying that, I haven't even known her for 5 months and I'm saying that. If we were meant to be together wouldn't she have said yes to trying a relationship instead of just saying she couldn't before disappearing on me? There's no such thing as being meant for each other.