I love you, always did, always will (Jensen Ackles x Reader)

Chapter 3

"Please say anything." he said with pleading eyes. "I- uh I-I don't know what to say about."
You said while slowly getting up from the chair and began walking back and forth.
"I-" you cut him immediately off "You can't just tell me you love me," you drove a hand through your hair "Is that why you've been acting so strange lately?! Or the reason why you and Dana broke up?!" you yelled at him.

He swallowed hard, "But I love you, I really do. You don't know how much it hurts to see you and him. I want to be the one that makes you ha-" "You're not!" you yelled at him.
"Jensen why didn't you tell me earlier?!"
"I- I...don't know." "You're confusing me so bad right now." he frowned. "What do you mean?"
You ignored his question and took out your phone to text Nick.

Y: Hey, can you pick me up from my place?
N: I'll be there in 10, are you okay?
Y: I'll tell you, just pick me up ASAP💕
N: See ya <3

You smiled slightly but then your mind took you back to that situation you were in.
"Y/N please talk to me." "Jensen about what is this all?! Aren't you happy for me?! Don't you want me to move out?! ABOUT WHAT IS THIS?! HUH?!" "NO! I-" "DON'T YOU LIKE SEEING ME TO MOVE ON AND BUILD A FAMILY?!"

"I NEEDED TO LET YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!" you laughed humourlessly, you couldn't believe that the guy you still have feelings for, has feelings for you. But in that moment your feelings for Nick were stronger, you just wanted to leave. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" it hurt Jensen what kind of things you presumed him, it hurt him having you screaming at you and being mad.

"I-I don't wanna loose you, you still my best friend. I lo-" he cracked on a sob "I love you so much." "Why are you saying this?! You're destroying everything!" You rubbed your temples "I am so sorry." he says while crying and getting up from his chair. He walks towards you and places a hand on your shoulder, but you back away.

"Don't!" you yelled at him. You started to wonder where Nick was because it was already more than 20 minutes over and Nick just needed less than 10 minutes. You tried to call him, but he didn't pick up, you thought maybe something came up.

"Please look at me." Jensen said with a shaky voice. You ignored him. You kept trying to teach him, but he didn't pick up. After the, what felt like 20th call he picked up.
"Hey Nick where are you?"

"Y/N, Nick..." "Alex? Why are you having Nick's phone?" "He-he had an accident and doesn't look good so just come to the hospital." After this words, it felt like your world broke down.
You started to cry and looked at Jensen, "This is- this is all your fault." you said scary calm.

Jensen frowned at you, "What happened? Why are you crying?" "This is all your fault!"
"What happened?!" "Nick had an accident and this is your fault, b-because you needed to tell me how you feel!!" you yelled at him and walked to the front door to put your shoes on.

"Where are you going?!" he yelled.
You cried even more and scoffed, "Where I am going?! You didn't ask that! I'm going to the hospital!" you yelled and shut the door loudly.

You drove to the hospital and walked in, you asked for Nick. Everyone just looks sad at you with tears in their eyes. You felt your heart clenching by just the thought, that he could be dead. Your best friend Jo walked towards you, she was crying more than you could have.

"I-I...I am so sorry." she said while crying.
"Don't...Don't tell me-" you sobbed "he's dead."
"I am so sorry Y/N." she hugged you tightly and cried, screamed and so much more.

Jo offered to call his parents and they came just 10 minutes later, his mom was crying so much. His dead couldn't realize anything. His mom hugged you and you too cried. You and his parents went to his room where his body was and said your goodbyes.

After you left the room, just you, Jensen arrived at the hospital. You were so angry at him, you thought this was all his fault, because he needed to tell you his feelings and that's why you texted Nick to pick you up.

You looked Jensen and you could see, he was crying. He walked towards you and wanted to hug you, but you pushed him away.
"Leave." you said scary calm. He looked at you with pain in his features and eyes.
"I'm so...so sorry." he said and tried to hugs you again. You pushed him away, "Don't touch me!" you shouted. He jumped in his spot.

You were a crying mess, everyone knew you lost someone you loved so much. Jensen hurt too, not just to see like this, but also because you blamed and pushed him away. He started to believe it was all his fault because he confessed his feelings towards you.

He blamed himself for that, you texted Nick because of him, he confused you with his feelings, you didn't know what to think.
You had feelings for Jensen deep down in your heart, you loved him, but after you met Nick you didn't think about him in that way.

A few days has passed and it was Nick's funeral, you stayed all the time with his parents to make this funeral as much nice as possible.
Sure, it wasn't great you knew that but you all just wanted to give him the honour he deserved.

You didn't talk to Jensen, it was too early for you to talk to him and you couldn't face him. You didn't know why, you just couldn't.

You decided to take a break from all of this, from Jensen, from work, from your friends who pitied you all the time. Yes you knew, they were sorry for you and there for you.

You decided to talk to your boss Webber and he understood how you felt, he lost his wife too. You told him, you need a break and you don't how long it will last. He understood you and said, if or when you come back you get your job back.

You had some money you saved for, you didn't even know for what, you decided to travel to process your pain, feelings and situation.
You went back to the apartment, you and Jensen lived in. You just went there because you knew Jensen wasn't home. You just couldn't face him.

You walked in and it was a mess, pizza boxes everywhere, bottles of whiskey and broken glasses. You cleaned up, because you couldn't see that mess. After you cleaned up, you stepped into your room and packed all your clothes and stuff you needed.

You decided to write a letter and left it for Jensen.

Hey Jensen,
when you're reading this I'm gone. I need some space and time, I hope you can understand that. It's been hard and I just can't face you right now. I'm so sorry to tell you this so hard and via letter, but that's how I feel right now. I still live in this apartment, I'll pay you my part for the rent.
I don't know how long, I'll be gone.
As you can see I tidied up so please don't make this kind of mess again I found today.
Y/N

Jensen cried after he found the letter and took a few days off. You didn't go alone on a trip, you went with your cousin Jared who offered you to go with him and you did.

A/N: hey I have a question do you wanna have smut in that book or not? ;)