I love you, always did, always will (Jensen Ackles x Reader)

Chapter 4

You were sitting in a little cafe in Paris, reading your book and enjoying a coffee. You've been gone for nearly 11 months now, Jensen texted you every day and sometimes you even answered. You started to realize and under stand that nothing of what happened is his fault.

A few moments later you decided to take out your notebook and began writing a letter.

Hey Jensen,
it's me Y/N, while I'm writing this I'm sitting in a cafe in Paris. I've been thinking about a lot of things lately and I really need to apologize.

I'm sorry how I screamed and shouted at you or that I blamed you that it was your fault, why he died. Now I know it's not or never was your fault, I'm sorry. I really am. You're my best friend and I hope I'm still yours. I hope you're having a good time and you're okay. Please take care of you, Jensen. I miss you and the fun we had a long time ago, I hope we'll change that when I'm back.

Sending you greetings from Paris
Y/N

You folded the letter and put it into an envelope. You wrote the address down and finished your coffee. You brought the letter to a post office and sent it away.

You went back to the little apartment you're staying at, thanks to Jared's parents who had an apartment down there. You opened the door and expected to meet Jared, but after you went further you saw him.

"Jensen?" you had a small smile on your lips.
"What-What are you doing here?" you asked him and pulled him into a hug.
"I wanted to see my best friend and I missed you." he said while hugging.

"I missed you too." you said while pulling away and stayed silence. An awkward silence.
"Where's Jared?" you asked.
"He went to visit a friend or something." he said while sitting down on the couch.

"You know who's is really awkward and just really weird right now." you said as you sat down on an armchair across from him and let out a humourless laugh.

"You're right." he chuckled.
"Look," you begun "I'm sorry how everything went and how I treated you. Funny thing is, I wrote a letter to you and sent it to our apartment, but now you're here." you laughed nervously before you continued. "I know it wasn't your fault how you felt for me or that Nick died. It was an accident and has nothing to do with you. I'm really sorry. I hope we still best friends, because you're still mine." you smiled at him.

Jensen felt like it took a load off his mind and he was happy you still didn't think that way, because he still loved you. He needed a lot of time to process that you couldn't face him anymore and everyone told him that it wasn't his fault and you were just hurt. But he beat up himself for that. He was so happy to finally see you after 7 months.

He stood up and smiled as he kneeled down in front of, you looked up from your lap into those eyes. This green orbs that have haunted your dreams and fell in love with. Wait, did you really think that?

"It's okay and I also need to apologize, I shouldn't have told you how I felt. I'm sorry that I confused you with that-" he smiled "-but I'm here because I missed you a lot." he said and hugged you again.

Although Nick was dead for more than eleven months, you felt guilty thinking the way you did about Jensen. The only words that remained in your mind were 'how I felt.'
It hurt you, you wanted to hit that feeling and thought.

"You're not mad at me?" you whispered, he shook his head 'no'. You two just stared into each other's eyes until you broke the silence,
"So how's everyone and work?" he stood up and sat back down onto the couch.

"Everyone is great, they all miss you a lot."
'Like I did all these 11 months and I needed to see you, I couldn't wait anymore.' he thought.
You smiled at him, "I miss them too, especially Jo. Although she visited me one time, when I was in Italy, because of her cousin."

"But how are you?" you asked him.
"Right now I'm actually good." he smiled and your heart fluttered. "And how are you?" he asked you this time. You took a deep breath and looked at your hands in your lap, before you looked back at him.

"I'm okay, I guess. I just really miss him, but I know he's not coming back." you let out a small laugh to stop yourself from crying "Even his parents told me to move on and find someone else because that's what Nick would have wanted for me." you said.

"I'm really glad to hear that. You still have contact to his parents?" he asked you.
"Yeah, his mom texts me a lot because her husband can't hear that anymore, what is kinda rude, but we talk a lot and about everything. She's like a second mom." you smiled.

"Did you talk to your parents?" he asked.
You remembered that your mom was really worried about you, going away, pushing her and your dad away. You just wanted to be by yourself, except Jared. He was like a brother you never had.

"Yeah, but I avoided my mom most of the times. I know she was just worried and wanted to be there for me, but I couldn't hear how sorry she is." you said.

"What about your dad?" "Well, with my dad I'm talking a lot because he doesn't treat me like I'm the poor girl who lost her fiancée. Of course he's sorry, he really liked him. But my mom is overacting." you let out a small laugh.

Jensen loved to see you smile after what happened to you, he missed you. Everything of you. He couldn't take it anymore he even bought a ticket after a month to visit you where you were, but he didn't because he was scared. Jared told him all the time about you, how you're doing, if you're happy or not.
Jared was his best friend after all. 

Jensen loved you more than everything, you were his first priority, you came always first.
After you left and he found his letter, he couldn't help than drinking and crying himself to sleep. He missed you so much he even slept in your bed sometimes to be just a bit closer to you.

"She's your mom, she's just worrying about her daughter." "You're right, but I couldn't handle it." you couldn't help but smile all the time, you quickly realized how much you missed your best friend. But you were asking yourself what was he really doing here.