Car Insurance (Kleinsen) [DISCONTINUED]

7-Jared

Hey look its the long awaited second update. lol jk none of care. anyway onto the story. Also I just realized I never mentioned Jared's dad soo uh his parent's are divorced now oops. Nothing bad happened, his parents just kinda stopped loving each other ya know? so don't go hating on jareds dad or anything I stg

TW: mentions self harm but like it's one sentence so it's not really that bad

(flasback)

I was pissed. I didn't know why, but everything that's happened within this past month is putting me on edge. New school year, Connor dying (it should've been me instead, then maybe Evan wouldn't be going through this), The Connor Project, Evan pretty much ditching me, and... Evan dating Zoe.

It's not like I care. We're just family friends. Except I do care, cause apparently my fucking dumbass decided to go and fall in love with Evan fucking Hansen. Good going, Jared, falling in love with your only friend who you've been pushing away, who's also probably straight. 

"We need more emails. Emails showing that he was getting worse." Ah, speak of the devil. Or should I say angel- ok Jared you're getting off track. Something inside me is excited to make more emails, to spend more time with him. But then I remember how used I feel whenever we make emails. I force out a laugh, making him look pissed. "This isn't funny!"

"Oh I think it's hilarious." I try to stop myself from saying what I'm saying, but it's like any other time I'm teasing Evan, I can't control what I say. But this is much worse. "I think everyone would probably think it's hilarious."

A small crowd of people are surrounding us, and I see Evan start to hyperventilate. He's been doing better, and I'm the one who set him off. It's always me. I always fuck it up, don't I? I want to reach out, comfort him, anything. But I can't. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asks.

"It means, you should remember who your friends are." Wow, look at me, telling him for years that we're just 'family friends', and yet here I am, telling him that I'm hurt that he left me. I mean, I am, but that's not the point. It's not about what I'm feeling, it's about how Evan's feeling.

"I thought the only reason you ever talked to me was because of your car insurance." He says. Right. Car insurance that my mom pays for, no matter if I'm being nice or not. How many times have I thought 'Fuck car insurance, I want to be closer to you' but then realized that Evan could never love someone like me? A lot, actually.

"So?" I say while shrugging.

"It's very interesting." He says casually. What is he even talking about?

"What is?" I question.

"Your 'Israeli girlfriend' and your 'buddies' from camp?" Oh no. I know where this is going. "I've never heard you once mention their names." He states, stepping closer to me. I blush slightly, but I'm too emotional to be flustered right now. Also, he's onto me. Shitshitshitshitshitshit. My brain attempts to make up some half-ass excuse. 

"I can if you want." Wow good job brain. I feel tears prick at my eyes and I attempt to wipe them away. "What's your point?" 

"Maybe the only reason you talk to me is because you don't have any other friends." He states. The tears feel like they're about to spill, but I can't cry in front of everyone. I force myself to smile, to seem like I don't care. 

"I could tell everyone everything." I would never actually do that. I could never live with myself if Evan were to be suffering because of me. Besides, if he goes down, I go down with him. He steps even closer to me, but I'm too busying trying not to cry to notice.

"Great. Go ahead. Do it. Tell everyone about how you helped write emails pretending to be a kid who killed himself." He says, barely above a whisper so the crowd doesn't hear what he said. The tears finally fall and I'm silently crying, staring at Evan, speechless. 

"Fuck you Evan, asshole." I choke out. I ran off, not wanting to deal with any of this. I ran straight home, skipping the rest of school.

That was the day I started cutting

That was also the last time I had talked to Evan, at least until now.

Well. That was that. 

Probably won't update for another week 

See ya later

-jhvhgdyfduhgjhvxt :P