Car Insurance (Kleinsen) [DISCONTINUED]

8 - Jared

It's been so long I'm so sorry ahhhhh

The story will probably not make any sense cause I just kinda make up stuff as I go. I mean, I kinda have an idea but I'm mostly just kinda writing shit :)

TW: self harm and use of a gay slur (internalized homophobia, there will most likely not be any homophobes in this story, but like I said, I'm making this up as I goooOooOoOo) :)

I slam the front door as I walk in the house, startling my mom who must've come home while I was out. (Definitely didn't forget that his mom wasn't supposed to be home when I wrote this chapter nope) I put the keys for the car away and almost make it up the stairs without confrontation. Almost. 

"Jared? What's wrong?" My mom calls from the kitchen. My fists clench for a second, but quickly relax. What's wrong. Many things actually, like- well, you guys already know. I turn around and stomp down the stairs towards my waiting mother.

"Nothing," I mutter, but I can already feel tears threatening to come out. (Jared's tears: lol I'm gae) My mom hugs me, seeing through my obvious lie.

"Oh honey, what happened?" She asks in that one voice that just makes you want to cry so much. And that's almost what happened. I will admit that a few tears spilled. Okay um I might have sobbed a lil. Just a little tho.

I ended up telling her everything that happened that day, completely spilling the fucking pot of tea in the process. I had to fight the urge to yell 'bitch the pOT' in the middle of my sob fest.

All in all, moral of the story is that my mom is an amazing person and we should all worship her. Jkjk. Unless... 👀

Okay memes aside, I was kinda feeling depressed right now, I'm not gonna lie. My mom made dinner, I ate it, I threw it up, and then I allowed myself to eat my daily protein bar. Fun.

I felt better then I had a few hours ago, but suddenly the self deprecating thought came crashing in.

What if Evan never told anyone because he thought I wasn't important enough to mention?

What if he and Zoe got back together? 

Oh gods, what if he thinks I'm a skinny freak?

What if what if what if what if what if. I knew they were all 'what's ifs' but the way you brain made them up, they seemed so real. 

I subconsciously grip my arm. It hurts. But it doesn't hurt enough. I need more. My eyes drift to the bathroom door. (That moment when Share Your Address  comes on your playlist when you just trying to write sum angst)

I lock the door behind me as I walk in, and I immediately pull open the drawer under the sink. My hands grip the blade, and I roll up my sleeves. The scars litter my arms, the first ones dating all the way back to the fight. That's when I started wearing long sleeves all the time. No one noticed. No one seemed to care that I refused to remove my sweatshirt even when it was 90 degrees out. No one cared. 

Correction: no one cares. They haven't cared, not ever. I doubt my mom even cares, its all probably just pretend. Like me. I'm just some fake faggot who can't get over something that happened a whole fucking year ago. 

The blade connects with my arm and I bask in the pain. My blood trickles onto the floor and all over my arm. It mixes in with my tears and makes a huge awful mess. I hear the clang of dishes from downstairs, meaning my mom is washing the dishes.

But the noise is immediately overcome with my thoughts, and I resume with my blade. After what feels like hundreds of cuts, my arm goes numb, decorated with its new cuts. My tears still heavily flowing, I clean up the blood. I roll down my sleeves, wincing as it hit my cuts. I throw the blade in the drawer and walk back into my room.

I pull out my phone and go to the texts that Evan sent me oh so long ago. I haven't responded to them, and I doubt I ever will. I stare at the messages, rereading them over and over for 10  minutes, until my mom interrupts with a knock at the door.

"Hey honey, so I know you've had a rough day," Understatement, "But I just wanted to tell you something."

Oh god oh god oh god 

What is she gonna say? My anxiety starts to make up some weird scenarios, but nothing could have prepared me for what she actually said.

"The Hansen's have invited us over for Christmas dinner."

Ok so long time no see amiright ahah

Wow this chapter went from kinda sad to memey to depression real quick 

Uh so that was kind of a long chapter wow

Well, long compared to the other chapters in this book

Anyways 

See ya later 

-jhvhgdyfduhgjhvxt :P