Call Me 'Possessive'

[10]

*T.O.B.Y pov*

He gave me a small smile and grabbed my hand, throwing his sack of items over his shoulder, which I copied. We walked through the woods in a comforting silence, it was beautiful, the things we passed, a few flowers blooming from the ground, red and yellow leaves falling from trees and on the ground. Trees were seeping maple and ridding themselves of acorns and pinecones, the ground with soft soil that molded with our feet as we took another step. Birds chirping a melodic song that echoed as another began to sing it.

We walked for another couple of minutes until we stopped in an open meadow, so many different varieties of flowers sprouted from the ground and god, it was just beautiful. he let go of my hand and walked towards a giant rock in the near center of it. He placed down the bag and brought out a blanket and a few pillows before laying them out, setting a DVD player in front of it before gesturing me over. I tried to move, I just couldn't, my body was going through really weird sensations and I felt so touched. It's a new feeling, but I really like it, maybe I should just ignore it. But then he's never looked at me that way before.

He dusted off his sweats and grabbed my hands before leading me to the blanket where he sat down, propping himself against the pillows and the rock. I settled in between his legs, cuddling into his body, letting my head rest on his shoulder.

"What's his name?" I asked as he began to rub his fingertips along my scalp.

"Who's name?" He asked softly, causing me to sigh contently.

"Your ex, tell me about him, please,"

"For starters, his name is Ashton, I've known him since I was a sophomore in school. He was a new kid, from Ireland and I found his accent very alluring. If not for that, it would be his smile that I thought could make the world stop. I don't regret dating him, but I do regret not getting to know him before,"

"Why is that?" I asked curiously, isn't being in a relationship a perfect way to get to know someone?

"Because I wouldn't have dated him if I found out that even though he is beautiful, he is deceitful and ugly on the inside. He isn't loyal and he doesn't understand when to stop some of the things he does,"

"Sounds like me.." I muttered feeling my chest collapse on me a bit as I thought about it.

"No." He said catching my attention. "It doesn't sound like you at all, it's vice versa when it comes to you. You're putting up this front that you're some type of egotistical, asshole that doesn't listen or give a damn about anyone. But, you actually do on the inside, that's why you put up the front. If you were just you, Toby, you'd be the most beautiful person in the world in my eyes, because it takes a lot to try not to be what people want you to be. And for you to be you without that disguise and be proud of it? Wow," by the end of that I was blushing a whole lot, I leant up and kissed the corner of his mouth before returning to my spot and happily sighing out a thank you. This is it. He's letting me in.

"So, why do you do it? Why do you hide?" he asked me causing me to tense up a bit, nobody really knows this but Ray and Uncle Jay, they're the ones who had given me pointers and helped guide me through this whole process, much to their reluctance. But, I guess the best way of explaining is starting off with the perfect example.

"You've seen Roman, I'm so jealous of him, the way he doesn't care about who knows how submissive he is, how carefree he is. You saw what I did to him, I took advantage of his situation and used him till I was tired of him. I didn't want to go through that myself, so once freshman year began, out came the bad boy, I felt like I was the King of the World for the year. Then sophomore year came and so did Marcus, who caught me in a moment of weakness and has been prying at me ever since," The more I talked about it, the worse the feeling in my chest felt, like there was a weight sitting on me and I couldn't move it. "I do it to cover my extreme urge for submission, to show that I wasn't one to be taken advantage of, or one that anyone would want to hurt, but as each day goes by I just wanted to crawl into an abyss. I hate having to assert myself into situations. I dislike having to be the person to make the first move, always stand my ground when really I'm trembling and want to just accept the situation, I am absolutely exhausted of pretending I'm someone I'm not, but I'm so scared that once I stop pretending and accept myself, Marcus will swoop right in and force me to submit to him," I can't even stop my words anymore, this has been building up in my chest since Freshman year and now that I'm saying it, it all is coming out.