The Apotheosis

Poisoned Coffee

Elphaba smiled as she spotted the rest of her office gang entering the café and motioned them over to her table. She whispered to Fiyero, "Hey, what's up with that depressed face?"

"You very well know what's wrong, Elphaba," Fiyero snapped.

"Yero, come on. She's almost eighteen. You need to let her live her own life," Elphaba said, trying to be comforting.

"Look, I get it, okay?" Fiyero snapped before sighing. "It's just that, with my duties and all, I hardly got to see her grow up. You did. And... every time I try to reconnect with her, she insists on bringing that stupid girlfriend of hers along. And I let her do it, too...is just a little time alone with her-and you- too much to ask?"

"Fiyero, this isn't about the twister that destroyed the festival square, is it?" Elphaba asked.

"Yeah," Fiyero sighed, burying his head in his hands. "Can you even imagine? A ruddy great house, just sitting in that square..."

"I can, Yero. Calm down," Elphaba reassured him as she gently stroked his back. She chuckled slightly as she turned her attention to Milla and said, "Um, Milla, did you get enough coffee in the sugar?"

"What? Oh, sorry, I...I didn't realise. I'll just go get another one. Coffee in the sugar, Miss Elphaba, you're such a riot," Milla said, giggling as she left to get another cup.

"Hey, so, is today some sort of music day or something?" Avaric asked cockily. "I was just walking on the street and there were people randomly dancing around like they were in a choreographed number."

"Like a flash mob? Did you get a video?" Fiyero asked.

"No," Avaric answered.

Elphaba smirked and deadpanned, "Well, that just proves it. Avaric is useless. But he isn't entirely wrong either. I mean, I was caught up in pretty much something similar and I was too busy trying not to panic. It was too much like a damn musical. And on top of that there was Oscar singing and being all creepy when I was in his office this morning."

"Oscar who?" Milla asked, rejoining them.

"The Wonderful Wizard of Oz," Elphaba said mockingly.

"He's your father, isn't he?" Milla asked.

"Well, more of a sperm donor, I guess. You guys won't get it. It's complicated," Elphaba sighed. "Uh, Milla, did you notice anything else out of the blue?"

"It's nothing, I guess," Milla murmured. "It's Boq. He said he'd be late home last night, only he never got back-"

Avaric scoffed. Elphaba glared at him, and he only said, "I heard. I wasn't there."

"He must've rolled in around six this morning," Milla continued. "I heard him in the shower. And maybe it's an odd thing to notice, because he was never a particularly bad singer, just maybe occasionally flat-"

"I know. I endured it throughout college," Elphaba chuckled fondly.

"Yeah, but this morning he was perfectly in tune. Like an angel. Oh, he just didn't sound like my Boq. I know I must sound silly, but it scared me."

As Milla started sniffling again, Elphaba gently asked her, "Milla, do you, by any chance, remember what Boq was singing?"

"Oh, just a silly little song. Lah-Dee-dah-dah something...I've never heard it before," Milla replied.

"Ozma be damned! The people in the streets were singing the same thing this morning!" Avaric exclaimed.

"Okay...Elphaba, calm down ...you're hallucinating ...better yet, you're still dreaming...you need some coffee to wake you up...just black coffee, no cream, no sugar," Elphaba muttered to herself.

She approached the counter and said, "Hello? I just need a black coffee-"

"Black coffee, I'm your coffee gal," Glinda sang as she came out of the kitchen with a pot of coffee.

"NO!" Elphaba screamed. She had gone pale, and was hyperventilating, trying to keep her magic from  bursting out. Glinda noticed and crooned, "Easy there, girl. Breathe. Nice and slow. That's right. I can tell you almost let out your magic. That's perfectly fine. Happens to the best of us."

"Hell and Oz, Glinda, I thought you were-"

"Nah, I'm fine. It's just this new weird rule. Apparently we're supposed to sing all the time. Oof, Pfannee could fire me for even talking normally to you right now," Glinda said, winking.
Elphaba smiled.

"Glinda, I...I think there's something terribly wrong with the world today," Elphaba whispered, taking Glinda aside. "It's hard to explain...it's as though there's something sinister infecting this town-"

"Tell me about it. I spent the entire morning learning some stupid tip song Pfannee wrote, and I'm exhausted," Glinda sighed.

"I know it might sound funny, absurd even, but promise me you'll think about the implications."

"Okay, Elphie, I promise," Glinda reassured her.

"Alright, so...I think that...that this world is becoming a musical," Elphaba said, finally exhaling.

"Okay, it does sound a little frightening once you let it sink in," Glinda nodded. "Uh, I have to go now-"

"Glinda, we have a tip!" Pfannee called out in a sing-song voice.

Elphaba cringed visibly as she saw the three girls do a song and dance routine which was so sugary sweet she would have puked then and there.

But as they kept on dancing, Glinda broke away and said, "Okay, stop. What is this? A whole other A section? You know what, when I took this job, I signed up to serve coffee and cold, shitty pastries. If I wanted to be in a musical, I'd be in an Ozdamned musical! Yeah, that's right, Shenshen, I was the China Girl in a production of The Saviour Arrives back in high school and I positively killed it. But now? Now I'm just trying to pay off my rent while making my way through college, and I can do it just as easily doing something else. I quit!"

Glinda threw down her apron and strode over to Elphaba, who whispered, "That...that was really brave of you back there."

"Thanks," Glinda whispered back.

"Oh, isn't The Saviour Arrives that overly sweet musical on the Wizard's early days in Oz? I remember seeing it with Nor when she was five. I didn't exactly like it."

"I get it."

"Oh, but my dear Glinda," Pfannee and Shenshen said in unison, surrounding Glinda. "you can't leave. It's such a simple song. You'll learn. Why, everyone here who's had there coffee will be singing it soon. Their apotheosis will be upon them any minute now!"

"Wait, what did you do?" Glinda asked, panicking as she opened the coffee machine and fished out some sort of disgusting blue goo-like substance from inside it. Just then, Pfannee and Shenshen started singing,
"Get your cup of poisoned coffee
Your toxic cup of Joey!
We'll make a twisted cup of java mocha latte with the goo for you Jack
Jack, Jack, Jack!

Hey, Mr. Business-"

Most of the coffee shop visitors, barring Elphaba and her friends, joined in,

"How do you
How do you
How do you do?"

As Shenshen belted out, "We got a double for you!" everyone else joined in chorus again.

Glinda was hyperventilating. She hugged Elphaba and asked, "They're singing! Why are they all singing?"

Elphaba was visibly panicking as she replied, "Don't think about it. Just run!".

She picked Glinda up in her arms, bridal style, and ran out, with absolutely no idea as to where she could go next.
***
Song used: Cup of Poisoned Coffee