MY SAFE HAVEN | billie eilish.

confessions

"where do you need me to put these?" billie asks behind me as i walk into my house.

"oh, over here... come!" i respond with a smile, throwing my keys onto the entryway table and making my way into the kitchen.

i expect her to follow me, but she just stands there, by the door, with her wide blue eyes scanning the entire room. i leave the bags on the floor and walk slowly towards her. she has a sad expression on her face for some reason, which is strange, considering how content and lively she looked on her way here.

"i'm sorry, i can't. i have to go. i can't be here" she says, walking away from the house after leaving my groceries on the doorstep.

i hate not having enough time to process her words but i impulsively go after her and pull her back by her arm, causing her to turn her head to look at me, but there's tears in her eyes.

oh god what now..

i want to ask exactly what detonated this sudden mood swing in her but she starts full on crying and to be fair, that's something i was not expecting. i'm at a loss for words.

i don't know why, but in a matter of seconds i find myself holding her body close to my own. her sobs are enough to let me know she is hurting inside so i don't let go until the crying finally ceases and she stops shaking in my arms. i ask her then if she wants me to walk her home but her response makes my entire world turn on its head.

"what do you mean, billie?" i ask, searching her eyes as if they are going to answer that question for me before her mouth does. she takes a step back and throws her head back letting out a frustrated groan. she clearly doesn't want to repeat herself. but she's gonna have to.

"like you heard, sydney... you don't have to walk me home, because i don't live in a house, i don't have a family. i was forced out of foster care last year when i turned 18, i've been sleeping in the streets since then" funnily enough, when she's done throwing all this information my way, i go from being the one holding her, to being held and i begin to cry like a baby in her arms.

as humans, it's crazy how much we take for granted. how much we don't value. most of our time is spent counting all of our problems, rather than counting our blessings. and it isn't until we encounter people like billie, that we realize how incredibly blessed we are, and how our problems are tiny grains of salt compared to what other people must go through.

"you feel better now? fuck, i really didn't mean to make you cry like that" billie chuckles, nudging on my shoulder. we've been out here sitting on my front lawn for a few minutes.

i nod and breath out a small giggle, because she just cussed, i should've known she had it her because she looks like a bitch, but it's also obvious she's just a huge softie under that tough exterior.

i'm still having the hardest time trying to process her brutally honest confession, and there's still so much more i'd like to know, but i choose not to bombard her with questions, at least for now.

"penny for your thoughts?" i glance up at billie who is watching me attentively with those piercing blue eyes of hers. god, they intimidate me.

"nothing, i'm just seriously so hungry. i skipped breakfast this morning" i semi lie to her and bring my knees up to my chest, hugging my legs while staring down at my feet, afraid that if i look at her, she'll know exactly how i'm feeling or what i'm thinking.

"well... " she says getting up from the lawn and wiping both her hands on the back of her overall, before flashing me a little dimpled grin. she's so pretty. "let's go inside and make those tacos, shall we?" she holds her hand out for me and i recall that other night when ryan pulled the same move on me. but ryan is disgusting and billie is just... billie, i guess, so i grab her hand and in one swift movement she helps me up and for the second time in a day i walk back into my house with billie following behind me as if it all were a deja vu.