my favorite feeling

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i've always loved fashion but never once have i found a proper way or term to use to describe my style. if people went through my closet, they'd find anything from large tees that once belonged to my dad, to super girly floral dresses, and even extra provocative short dresses and tops that i never really get around to wearing. now if i'm being honest, when i picked out different pieces of clothing for billie to try on and wear tonight, i was kinda expecting her to go for the girliest ones, like the pink shorts or the top with tiny stars and flowers on it. hell, i was even expecting her to come down wearing 20 layers of the makeup i left in sight for her, in case she wanted to get that creative.

"so, how'd i look?" she asks and does a cute little to show me her fit, with a smile going from ear to ear. i'm failing miserably at trying to comprehend how is it that she keeps going from being sad and all shy to unbelievably cheery and confident within minutes. what a mercurial human she is. i have my lips slightly parted and i'm trying my hardest to give her an immediate response, but i'm just standing here, looking at her admiringly while trying not to drop the plate i have in my hand right now.

"you look... i mean. wow, you look incredible billie" i stumble over my words, feeling my cheeks heat up.

she looks hot

sure, i've had these thoughts about girls before, girls are beautiful. but my current view is so much better than anything these two eyes have witnessed in the past. billie looks so goddamn fine!

FIT CHECK.

i clear my throat and tell her the food is served

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i clear my throat and tell her the food is served. i'm not sure how to feel about her looking this good but i guess she notices the effect she has on me, because she licks her lips before flashing me a playful grin. i try to keep myself distracted with thoughts of taylor and the bonfire tonight and we eat in silence... not because it's awkward but because there's this... sort of.. tension in the air, one that is making my insides turn to mush every time we make eye contact.

-

we are currently sitting on the couch waiting for poppy and paul to pick us up. i'm well aware poppy has no idea whatsoever that now, i guess you could say, i'm friends with billie... and i know she'll be confused for a hot minute, but she'll be told the truth in its due time.

"you know what sydney?"

oh god.. what now?

i turn to look at billie. the tv's on but i really haven't been paying attention to it since we sat here.

"what?" i ask and did what she always does and bit my lip.

"i'm so glad we met, you know?" she pauses for a moment; chuckling and looking down at her feet while running her hand through her hair to move it around a bit before continuing with her speech. "man, i know it hasn't been long but i'm for real so so glad you saw me when i was invisible. i'm so glad you don't act like you pity me allllllllll the fucking time for... well.. you know... what i've been through. and i'm so glad you're not with that ass... what's his face again?"

MY SAFE HAVEN  |  billie eilish.Where stories live. Discover now