MY SAFE HAVEN | billie eilish.

making progress

4:15pm, i glance over at the wall clock in my kitchen. 17 minutes exactly since billie made it past the living room without trying to run off for the second or maybe the third time today. the second we walked in, she very kindly offered to unload all the groceries for me, which gave me enough time to pour her a glass of orange juice and make her an avocado toast, she didn't oppose to it, like other people would've, and that only made me wonder if she had even eaten anything at all today. as much as i wanna feel bad for her, because i do feel bad, she keeps making me forget how crap her life has been by putting the biggest of smiles on my face. 

"this is really fucking bomb!" there she was again... cussing, while taking the last few bites of her toast. i smile, feeling myself go crimson as i cut up a few veggies on the cutting board.

now that she was finally finished eating, she's just sitting there on a stool, watching me attentively from across the kitchen island. i can feel her staring but i refuse to look up, i don't need her knowing i know she's been staring at me.

"thank you for that.. it was seriously so good. i can't even remember the last time i had an avocado toast" she tells me very casually with both her elbows rested on the counter and that's when i feel forced to look at her.

ugh

i could feel my heart shrink in my chest. there's so much i want to know about this girl... but she seems to be having a good time, and i don't want her to feel pressured to answer questions on her chaotic life right now, so instead, i offer her something it's evident she recently hasn't had either.

"you don't have to thank me. i'm happy i get to cook for someone.. since they don't let me do that at the diner." i say, letting out a small laugh, and she does let out one too.

"i.. uh.. i'm gonna take a shower in minute... i always take one before dinner. would you like to take one too?" i ask and she raises her brows, with a smirk on her face. i realize then how my question sounded more like an invitation to shower together so i correct myself "like.. you can take one first before i go in..." the small giggle she lets out, distracts me and i wind up getting a small cut on my index finger while chopping the remaining of an onion.

nice one, sydney.

"dammit!" i wince and immediately grab a cloth from one of the cabinets to try and stop the bleeding.

"are you okay? let me take look at that cut" billie says, approaching me quickly, with a genuine look of concern in her eyes.

"it's okay.. it's not that bad.." i try to brush it off like it's nothing but truth is my finger hurts real bad.

"oh yeah? how come your face says otherwise, mama?"

did... she just... call me mama? my god, what a day this has been. my cheeks instantly turn red and funnily enough, they match my blood covered finger as she unwraps it to clean the small wound and around my finger in silence before applying pressure on it. i was the one doing the staring now.

"do you have any band-aids and an antibiotic cream to put on this cut?" she asks, looking directly into my eyes and still applying pressure on my finger. being in the presence of misses ocean eyes is intimidating, but having her this close is distracting.

i nod timidly, "yeah, uh there's a small first aid kit in the bathroom"

she blushes at the mention of the bathroom and that's a reaction i was not expecting from her.

"uh.." she clears her throat and carefully releases my finger and wets her lips. "well... lead the way, or else you might faint here from all the blood you're losing" we both chuckle and in just a matter of seconds we are walking into my room.