MY SAFE HAVEN | billie eilish.

i want you to want me

"oh shit, sorry i had no idea you were here... thought you were with uh... that one guy" billie's voice sends immediate chills down my spine, snapping me back into reality.

i know i said i wanted to forget about her before, i know i've been pretty much avoiding her since we got here, which is very immature of me, considering i'm the one who practically dragged her here in the first place. but out of all the people i know, she's the only one i want to be in the presence of right now. everything's just better when she's around.

"no, you're good, i just... i really needed to pee and this big boy over here does provide all the privacy one needs to do that" i say, making a gesture with my hand towards the old and rusty shipwreck that was sitting right behind billie on the shore.

"okay, you know what?" she starts, looking behind her at the shipwreck. "you're not wrong... but are you sure you only came here to pee and not to isolate yourself and overthink?" judging by the way she slowly begins to approach me, i can tell she is hesitant about whether she wants to sit next to me or not, but when she eventually does, i forget once again what it's like to breath around her.

"i mean... you're not wrong" i half smile, shrugging and pausing, unsure of what to say next.

"wow sydney, okay. touché!" she shakes her head, laughing a little too loud and nudging me in the shoulder afterwards.

"it's cool, i came here to do the same...this weekend has given me way too much to process. i needed to clear my head" she pauses to run her finger along the sand, drawing random patterns. i don't like this silence there is between us so i bite the bullet and lay it all on the line.

"i'm sorry billie..."

she looks up at me completely puzzled.

"sorry about what?"

god, is she playing dumb or what?

i throw my head back and let out a frustrated groan. "about earlier... in the car, i know i should've told you i was meeting up with my ex «almost» boyfriend tonight. i simply thought you wouldn't mind mingling with other people here and doing your own thing. i had no idea you wanted this to be a fun date... as friends. i'm sorry if i made you feel like a third wheel" i breath out a sigh of relief, feeling like a huge weight has been finally lifted up my shoulders.

"nah. i can't accept your apology sydney" she tells me, straight faced and her response hits me full force.

oh

but before i can even ask why, she's already giving me a response.

"i can't accept it, because you've done nothing wrong. apologizing for making me feel like a third wheel? tf, come on! you've made me feel everything but that" she rather confesses while fighting the smirk that threatens to spread across every inch of her face and it's in this exact moment that i'm thankful it's nighttime and she can't see how bad she is making me blush.

"oh... so is that like a good thing or bad?" i ask while getting up, wiping the sand off of me.

"a good thing, of course. like real fucking good" she responds, mirroring my actions and before you know it, she's standing in front of me.

"you're gonna have to elaborate on that"

"oh yeah? is that what you want me to do?" she asks in a challenging but playful manner and the way she's triggering all my senses is how i thought i'd be reacting to taylor but here i am... about to fall down at billie's feet and worship her very existence.

why am i being like this!

i gulp and clear my throat because i can't even form a sentence with how close she is to my face now.