Afire Love// ed sheeran

Look into Your Eyes

He sat across from me, his blue eyes sparkling as he looked back at me. A smile slipped to my face, embarrassed. My hands slipped under the table, balling the thin fabric into my fingers. He had seen me clinging to his shirt like a life preserver. I was embarrassed and I could feel the redness rise into my cheeks.

"I already know that," I laughed, pushing a piece of my blonde hair behind my ear. "I'm Alyssa." I could feel his eyes on me but I was too afraid to look up.

"Alyssa, that's a pretty name... So what do you like to do Alyssa?" Ed asked, perching his elbows on the table. His hands were neatly folded under his chin. I dared a look up at his soft face. A beard was growing on his chin, the same color of ripe tangerines. His lips were small yet soft looking. His nose was small and his eyes were kind. His hair was messy yet looked soft enough to run your fingers through.

I snapped myself out of my day dream, afraid that Ed would catch me staring. "I like writing, reading... Hm, I love listening to music and just losing myself in the music," I said absentmindedly, my focus drifting out the window. "I love walking down roads, music playing in my ears, the soundtrack of my life. If I'm walking down an empty street, it's a sad song. If I'm all alone, I like to listen to deep meaningful songs that describe my feelings." I realized I was running on to no where. He doesn't care. "Sorry," I said embarrassed.

"No. I'm intrigued. When would you play a song like You Need Me I Don't Need You?" Ed asked. His hands were laced together, on the table now. I could see the colorful ink of tattoos running down his arm. I wondered if any of them had meaning or if they were random, drunken mistakes in random cities.

I thought about it for a moment, tapping my chin with the tip of my pointer finger. I thought of the pounding beat, the quick to the lip verses and catchy chorus reminding whoever its written to that, no, they are not important in the grand scheme of Ed's life and career. I thought of his clapping, pounding, strumming profusely on the light wood of his guitar. "I would play it as I pass an ex lover. I would make sure to turn it up just loud enough that he could hear the lyrics reminding both him and I that he no longer is needed in my life," I said, turning my eye to Ed who was nodding along as if he agrees. "I would play it to people who have ever said nasty things to me whether it be to my face or in hushed whispers behind my back as they stab my with their vicious stares and gibes." I nodded, signaling to Ed that is my explanation, my use of his song.

"What about The City?" He asked pushing a strand of his soft hair out of his face. The piece of fringe denied his request and settles itself back onto his forehead.

"I would play that walking the streets of Manhattan," I say, imagining the bright lights, the never ending noise. "I would board the subway with all the businessmen in suits and girls in too short skirts and sit in the very corner seat, not the one reserved for wheelchair access, the seat across. I would watch the different cultures, colors, races, the different people live their lives," I said, closing my eyes and imagining the very sight. Girls laughing at their friend's jokes, boys sneaking secret kisses on their girlfriend's cheek making them giggle.

A woman came up to us, a name plate on her black shirt. Bea was her name and her short hair was a beautiful shade of tan, almost the color of wet sand on a beautiful beach. "Hi. I'm Bea. What would guys like to eat today?" She was polite, her voice was sweet.

"I'll have a chicken sandwich and coke. And you?" I asked, looking over at Ed. His head was in the menu but I could see the tips of his flaming hair poking out the top. I stiffled a bit of laughter.

"I'll take the same," he replied, handing the waitress the menu with a kind hearted smile. "Give me love?"

I didn't understand what he was saying until I realized he was talking about the song and not literally asking for me to give him my love (which I was contemplating doing at that table for all I wanted to do was scream, "I love you" and run away) so I thought. "I would play this song at a date with a boy, where I knew he liked me and I liked him but he was too afraid to admit the obvious. I'd play it to let him know, it's okay to like me," I laughed at my responce. It was ridiculously thought up. I would never have the courage to do such a thing. To be completely frank, I didn't even know how I was talking to Ed Sheeran without wanting to hide under every table in sight. "Why aren't you hanging out with your friends?" I asked, looking back at the group of guys in the back of the bar. They were all drinking pints of beer, laughing at the storys they were sharing. I could not compare to those guys. I did not drink and I had no amazing stories of adventure and touring to share. I was sterotypical loner, basking in the beauty of isolation.

"Because you had my shirt... and because you seem pretty interesting," Ed said, taking a sip of the coke the waitress that had just set down along with our food. I felt the laughter bubble up inside of me and soon it slipped out. I was laughing as if what had just said was the funniest thing I had ever heard and it was. I look boring, bland. I needed spice in my life.

"That's funny," I chuckled, controlling my outbreak of laughter as I took a bite of my food. We ate in silence.

***

We talked until 11pm, two hours after I had arrived from the concert. Even then, I did not leave and neither had Ed. The stereo began to play music that I was familiar with. It wasn't fast but not slow either. Ed and I began a karaoke competition, trying to find out who could be the loudest and badest, trying to get the other to laugh. I could feel Ed's friends looking at us, questions in their eyes. Why is he with that girl? Another girl?

I knew I wasn't the first girl he had flattered on his lovely trips around the world. I was not the first and I would not be the last. But in that moment, no one else mattered. The judgemental looks of the businessmen at the bar with their young mistresses did not phase me or make me shiver in sheer embarrassment. Ed made me feel that no one else in that room mattered because in all honesty, they didn't. It didn't matter their opinions because I was having a good time. The clock hit 11:30 and I knew it was time for me to go. I bit my tongue, trying to hold in the sadness that was suddenly nested in my chest where my heart was supposed to be.

"I think it's time for me to go," I said sullenly as I waved the waitress over. I pulled my wallet out, knowing that I wouldn't Ed pay. I didn't want him to think that I was using him.

"Let me at least pay," he replied, pulling out his credit card. I tried to reassure him that I could pay, that I didn't want to take advantage of his kindess. He waved my arguments away and paid. As he signed the receipt and handed me a copy, he smiled at me. "Just think of it as another present for my singing partner."

I felt the blush in my cheek again as he kissed my hand before I left. I exited the bar, looking back in the window at Ed. This was a boy I had known for less than 24 hours and his absence from my life would hurt me more than the absence of people I had know for most my life. I pushed my headphones in and played Wake Me Up, one of Ed's songs and walked to the subway.

I already felt the tendrils of absence and loss wrap themselves around my heart, making me feel sick. As I boarded the subway, I tried my best to control my heavy breathing as I tried to control the rabbid bitterflies in my belly from tearing me open like a cocoon and flying away. I looked at the receipt of the night with Ed and I turned the white paper over. On the back, a simple note from Ed was written.

Thank you for a wonderful night that made me forget that I was famous for one night. I enjoy your company... ring me sometime if you'd like
728-1999
-Ed xx

The butterflies returned with a vengeance, filling my entire body. I switched the song to Give Me Love, stuffed the paper into a safe place, closed my eyes, and enjoyed the rocking of the train back and forth.