Afire Love// ed sheeran

Juilliard

Have a wonderful day. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I actually really love writing it and I am glad you all love it. You are all wonderful!
-Alyssa

It was the next day and I was sitting on the edge of my bed, staring down at the pamphlet Taylor had given me. On the page were photos of people playing violins, flutes, and pianos. The pamplet read Talented Musician hunt, Open Auditions for Julliard at Carnegie Hall. Auditions start at noon on March 13. 

I looked at the lock screen of my phone. It was 8 am, March 13. Something inside of me told me I should go. This was a once in a lifetime chance. Granted, I had not been playing the violin for very long but what harm could come from auditioning? You need this. You need something to pick you up from the rut you've been stuck in for way too long, I thought to myself. I got up from my spot on my bed and looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was long and tangly, knotting itself into little balls around my shoulder. My shoulders sagged forward and my face looked like it hadn't worn a smile in years. My eyes were droopy and red from the lack of sleep. My hands had a slight tremor to them.

I had concluded that I had fallen into a hole, that I had somehow lost myself when I lost Ed. Before this whole mess, I hadn't known what I wanted to do with my life but at least I was trying to figure out who I was meant to be. I was looking for a job, trying to get into a better school. I was looking for me, trying to piece my life into something I could be proud of. But at this point, I had given up everything. I had turned into a hermit. I didn't leave my apartment much. I didn't have many friends and those I did have were all thanks to Ed. I didn't want my life story to revolve around Ed. I didn't want my life to be what it was because I had dated a celebrity. I wanted my life to be what it was because I had made it so. I wanted something for myself. 

I looked down at the paper again, my hands shaking even harder. A sploch of water hit the paper, making the ink run. I looked up into the mirror and was shocked to find myself crying. It felt like that was all I had been doing lately and it was finally time to do something else. I pushed my closet doors open and picked the perfect Julliard outfit out, ready to make a woman out of myself. 

***

I was walking down the street, my violin case banging against my hip. I checked my watch. 10:30 am. I didn't want to get there too early, afraid I would look too eager. I looked at my reflection in a bodega window. I was wearing a peach dress that hit just above my knee and heels. My hair was a mess on my shoulders and I sighed. For some reason, the hair represented my entire existence- unruly and messy. It never seemed to stay the way I wanted it to, always finding a way to twist itself into a rat's nest. I needed something different, something new that could make life simpler. I walked down the block, stopping into a small hair salon named Salon G. 

A girl with long blue hair came up to me, her lips pursed and her eyes friendly. She led me to a chair, washed my hair, and combed through it gently. 

"Cut it all off," I said, shrugging my shoulders as I closed my eyes and she started snipping at my hair with a pair of scissors. I was at peace when I heard the sound of the scissors trimming my hair and the feel of hair fall past my shoulders. It was like a weight off my shoulders. My sadness, my grief, my anger fell away with my hair. It was as if the hair was the center of everything, as if the sadness had nestled itself into the length of my hair and once it was chopped away, I was at peace. I know it sounds silly but all I felt was giddiness as the hair left me. 

When I opened my eyes, a gasp escaped my lips and I pressed my hand to my lips. My hair was short. It was off my shoulders, ending at the top of my neck, the pieces of my hair not even hitting my ears. Side bangs laid on my forehead, grazing my eyebrow. "I love it!" I squeaked, paying the hairstylist. My hands shook slightly as I touched my hair, smiling as I picked up my violin case and left Salon G.