Stray Kid's 9th member

Chp 9- a disappointment and expectations

Things between me and Felix are fine now. When Minho asked me what happened, I just said that I apologised and he forgave me. But he told me that when he asked Felix, Felix said that he apologised and I forgave him, so no doubt, Minho was really confused. My english test went by pretty quick, along with the help of Felix and Chan. Nothing much happens these days. I get to go to the company with stray kids everyday now which is something really exciting for me because I like being together with them. Makes me feel...more included in a way. The album was finally finished because I recorded all the parts. Chan was really helpful and when I couldn't reach certain notes or I had trouble with the rhythm or just any part of the song, he would teach me and help me.

On one of the days, JYP suddenly came into the practice room. We immediately got up to greet him but he dismissed us with a wave of his hand. "I'm here to see Chaerin." He said. My heart stopped.

Why did he want to see me? Did I do something wrong?

"Chaerin, please come with me. I want to speak to you for a while." He said. All the members were slightly surprised and confused. "Just continue practising." He said and led me to his office.

In the office.
"Chaerin. I believe you just had your SOPA entrance exam?" He asked. I nodded and gulped. Oh no. Is he going to ask whether I studied hard? I guess I tried...

"And I also do believe that you are the lead vocalist, lead dancer as well as co-producer of the group. Am I right to say that?" He asked again. I nodded once more.

"Then is it so that none of the dances are choreographer by you. Not even a single step? Neither is any part of any song in the album composed by you. Chaerin, although you are the youngest member and you are very young, you have a lot of potential. But I'm not seeing what I saw in all the audition videos from Produce 101 or other videos of you." He said in a kind, but serious and firm tone. I could only look down and nod. It was true. I had so many titles and positions yet I wasn't showing any. Nobody would be able to tell that I was a co-producer or a lead dancer. I was just a helpless maknae.

"I expected more when I gave you those positions, Chaerin." He said sternly, tapping the table top. I nodded. I felt a lump in my thorat as his words descended upon me. I have to find a way to stop myself from doing that all the time. It showed of the weak side of me. He patter my shoulder. "Go back and practice. I hope you do well in your entrance exam." I nodded and left with my head hanging low.

Before I reached the practice room, I quickly wiped away whatever tears there were so the others wouldn't see, but Changbin saw me. He was back from the toilet and walking towards the practice room as well but you see, the toolet is on the opposite end of the corridor, so we were walking towards each other in a way. But me being a dumb person, didn't see him and literally sniffled in front of him.

"Chaerin ah! Are you okay? Why are you crying? What did JYP say?" He said, running up to me. I shook my head. "I'm fine. I'm not crying." I said, turning away. "You're lying. Look at me, Chaerin." He said, worry laced in his short sentences. I smiled. "I'm really fine." I said, looking at him in the eye. He sighed. "If you need anyone to talk to, you can always talk to me, okay?" He said while ruffling my hair. I smacked his hand away but nodded. "Just when I finally have a good hair day." I mumbled and glared at him.

"Why do people always like to ruffle my hair -_-."

"Let's go practise!!" I said and pulled him back into the practice room, as if nothing had happened and he laughed. The truth was, I felt terrible on the inside. I felt bad, and sad that I disappointed my own uncle. And I felt as if I wasn't doing my job as a member of a group. I felt like I wasn't doing enough...that I wasn't good enough.

That night, when the rest were packing up, I made the excuse that I had to go to the restroom and that they could leave first. I also told them that I would lock the practice room after I packed my things up, so they agreed.

But in actual fact, I was staying behind to practise somemore. But I didn't want my members to know, because I had a feeling they wouldn't allow me to practise till late at night, saying things like I have to sleep and I need energy the next day. That day, I practised and I practised, and my moves were actually improving, but my reaction was getting slower and slower as the clocked ticked by. I got tired more easily after each round, and although I gave myself breaks, I was panting more than usual. "Probably because it's late." I told myself and continued. I also got dizzy easily when doing simple short turns, and I couldn't seem to dance through one whole song without gasping and choking for air at the end. This continued until almost 3am in the morning. My members were calling me a lot, but I would try and slow down my pants, saying that I was at the gym and I already ate my dinner, which was a lie. I was trying my best to stick with my diet that I had come up with for myself. Obviously not very trustable but I did it anyway to maintain my figure. I finally went home at around 4am when everyone else was sleeping. (Realistically speaking, no, but let's pretend they all sleep before 4am.) It was all dark when I got home.

I tried tiptoeing through the living so as not wake anyone up, but I didn't get very far when someone turned on the living room lights.

"AHH"— i quickly covered my mouth to prevent any more noise from escaping because I didn't want to wake the others up.

"What are you doing here, hyung?" I whispered.

"Why are you home so late? Shouldn't I be the one asking?" Changbin said, his dark aura jumping out like a demon.  I could only look down at my feet.

"Working out at the gym my foot. Anyone could see through that lie of yours, Ms Chaerin." He said sternly. "You didn't eat dinner didn't you?" He asked. I sighed and nodded slightly but shot my head up. "W-Wait...then did everyone realised that I wasn't at the gym?" I asked. If they did then...

"No they didn't. Those dumb people didn't even realised. I mean, I don't understand, how could they not? Their poor member is practicing her butt off and they're watching movies and playing games. I can't believe them, really." He huffed. I giggled. Changbin really seems like a dad when he got angry. Like a dad getting angry at his child's friends for not looking out for his child. He looked at me in great puzzlement. "Whatever are you laughing about?" He asked. I shook my head but still smiled. "Aigoo. What would you do without me? Come on, I'll bring you out to eat dinner. I'm hungry anyway." He said, patting his tummy. I laughed. "Where to?"

"Where else is open at 2am at night?"

==========

Of course, we ended up at a 24hour convienient store. Eating microwaved cup noodles. Not going to lie, I did want to diet but I famished after all that practising. However, I still only ate half and pushed the rest to Changbin. "What is it now?" He asked, his face stuffed full with noodles. I shook my head and pushed the rest of my noodles closer to him. "I'm kind of full." I mumbled.

He slammed his chopsticks down onto the table, not too loud till it made a bang, but enough to show his annoyance. I jumped. "Is lying a habit that you have, Chaerin?" He said, looking at me with those dark eyes. I shook my head meekly.

"Then you have to eat more. You're still growing, let me remind you." He said picking up his chopsticks again and pushing the cup of noodles back towards me. I sighed and ate the noodles. But deep down, I was really happy and thankful towards Changbin. I smiled and continued eating. Changbin probably noticed because he smiled too and started talking about random things, the topic of dieting and overpractising was soon forgotten.
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Wow suddenly 1000 words seem so little😂.

Thanks for reading!!! And wowee two chapters in a day hahah.

Word count: 1521 words

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