it's now!

chapter 8

Friday. But not any friday. I-have-to-go-to-a-party friday. Let me explain why I hate parties. First of all, four parties I attended were with the wrong group of friends. I had Jen and Gabe, but they always found more people they knew and and we would always end up in a group of people I don't like, but I never said anything because they were still Jen and Gabe's friends so I didn't want to hurt them.

Second of all, I don't like drinking, I never got drunk so I was always afraid that if I drank too much, I would end up drunk with a group of people I don't trust.

Third could be that I have claustrophobia and I don't do well in a crowded room, I also have migraines that would appear from the smoke I was inhaling and too loud music.

I tried alcohol and cigarettes long time ago, I would say that I was in fifth grade. Jen, Gabe and I were at the playground behind the school and there was a group of people smoking, they were maybe in the seventh grade. They asked us if we wanted to try and we did. I was the only one who didn't cough the first time I tried it, it felt natural somehow, I knew how to inhale the smoke in my lungs, maybe a bit too well because I could feel it, I could feel it going to my lungs and that's why I never liked cigarettes. They reminded me too much that they were doing something wrong. I never smoked an entire cigarette, I would get too dizzy.

So yeah, I just showered and I was in my robe blow-drying my hair, after it was completely dry I took my straightener and straightened the upper half of my hair while curling the other half. I was surprised because that was actually the first time I managed to curl my hair with my straightener, I would always try but fail and the curling iron was just too much work. Seeing my hair made me happy, I liked the way it looked and a 'good hair' day is always a good sign. Right? I did my makeup stronger tonight. I did a brown smokey eye with a gold shimmer on my inner corner, I did my brows which I don't usually do, I finished it up with a light brown lip. I was good at doing makeup. I stopped doing 'heavy' makeup when I found out that I was actually good at it because I started feeling self conscious. That was something that always scared me, when I start loving something I'm doing and am good at, I stop doing it. Like for example, I haven't touched my piano in over two years. I miss it, all though it doesn't matter now since I don't have one in my apartment. The white one from our living room was too big to bring here and even if it weren't I probably wouldn't want it. I stared at myself in the mirror and knowing I look good I left the bathroom to get dressed. Jen told me to wear the brown-beige dress I had. It was tight on the upper part of my body to my waist then became floaty till it reached a little bit above my knee. I put on my heels and checked my phone. When I saw that no one sent anything I decided to text Tay.

me: hey, carpooling with me to the party? please say yes, please say yes..

Tay <3: sorry already there, Noah and Ryan picked me up. shit what do I do now??

me: it's okay, see you there God Madison, possessed much?

Tay <3: can't wait :) oh, I guess not. I said with a smile, with a wide wide smile.

-

Okay, this is it. I was standing with Tessa in front of the party house. Breath in, breath out Madison.

"you ready?" I heard Tessa's voice.

No. "yeah" No. I answered.

We walked in and as soon as I stepped in, the smoke and the smell from the alcohol hit me hard. I got used to it pretty quickly so I started looking for familiar faces.

"I'm gonna go look for Robby. You okay there?" Tessa asked and I just wanted her to have some fun so I smiled.

"Go get your man Tess" she smiled and in a blink of an eye, she was gone.