Marvel Oneshots 2.0

8. Waiting >Stony<

Prepare y'all. It's angsty. Very very angsty indeed because I've been reading nothing but angst these past few days. So here we go with the letter. Enjoy the emotional ride y'all.
______________________________________

Dear Steve,

Must be surprising to you for me to write a letter, yes?

I didn't want to leave this compound, to fight against Thanos with the knowledge that I might die today without you knowing what I wanted to say. I have never been that good with expressing my emotions well and you know very well what happened the last time I did. So, obviously, by the time you read this– like the cliché movie always does, it means I'm already long gone.

All my life, I grew up hearing all your stories from Howard– of how great you are and how proud America should be because of your existence. And with age, my resentment on you grew bigger than my own self-worth.

Now that I think about it, Howard was not the same man you first met and certainly not the same man I grew up with. Maybe he was a nice guy at first but after you were gone, he vents his frustrations on searching for you on me until the day he died.

Maybe it was wrong to judge you before I even met you but I couldn't help myself but blame you for what my father had become. I didn't want to but then I started to learn more about you as you live with me in the tower.

I learned that you like to draw and sketch on your free time, you grew agitated when there's nothing for you to do, you'd vent your anger on the sandbag until either your hand bleeds first or the sandbag bursts.

I had a panic attack a few days ago about Iron Man and Pepper told me something that made my mind opened with realisation. She said Iron Man is a part of me just as much as Tony Stark was. Iron Man and Tony Stark are different yet we are the same and I regretfully noticed that I had never treated you as Steve Rogers as much as I did Captain America.

It must've been lonely for you to be in this century without your best friend, without your Commandos and even without Aunt Peggy, isn't it? All of them aged and died, leaving you here on your own while you fight off trying to survive. All of those happened to you while you're 25 if I'm not mistaken based on your SHIELD data.

Honestly speaking, I wish I could turn back time and go back to the day we first met and make it right. No hatred, no grudges and no judgements.

But then again, I don't actually want to change anything. If I hadn't fought with you, I wouldn't have met Peter, I wouldn't have gotten together with Pepper and I wouldn't have met all the other people. I could've taken the news with a level head, think things through like an adult and talk to you about it. I just regret that I never really called you even though I kept that ridiculous flip phone you got me. Ask Pepper, she'll tell you how I always bring the phone everywhere I go; to bed, to the kitchen and so on.

I thought about the things that could possibly happen if things hadn't gone the way it had been. I kept wishing that I grew the courage to tell you:

I love you.

Gosh, I love you so much, Stevie. I wish I had told you that long ago. Pepper.. She's amazing and she will always be the one I love the most but you.. I love you because we always work so well with each other despite the constant arguing we had. But.. That's how we interact with each other, yeah? Pushing each other's buttons to see who blows up first.

I'm so sorry, Steve.. I didn't tell you this to keep you to myself or to make you feel guilty, no. It's more like making myself accept everything that had happened to us. Maybe in another universe.. In another timeline.. We'll be together. We'll stay with each other. We'll love each other the way we had always wanted, alright? It's just.. not in this world.

I'm running out of things to say– Nevermind. I have a lot of things to say to you actually but.. I think that some things better be kept away as a secret. Maybe one day I'll tell you. When we meet each other again, I'll tell you. I'll tell you everything, Cap. Pepper knew. Pepper didn't mind that I love another but she knew I love you both equally the same. That's why she's amazing like that.

Am I scared? Yes. Am I terrified of what was to happen to me and the rest of you when Thanos comes to Earth? Definitely. Am I sad to end this letter? Abso– fucking– lutely.

I wish I could write a lot more, il mio amore. That's Italian, by the way. Do you want French? Je t'aime tellement, mon amour. Or do you prefer Spanish? Oof, I'm getting sidetracked, aren't I? Anyways, I wish.. that we will win the fight to bring everyone back. I wish.. that when we won, you'd kiss me like how I wish you would.

I really do love you, Steven Grant Rogers. Until we meet again, my love.

Entirely yours,
Tony Stark
______________________________________

Steve knelt wobbly next to Pepper with a gentle heartbroken smile but eyes filled with so much sadness and love for the man that sacrificed himself for everyone– something that people had never seen on his face before as he was usually so stoic and firm to hide his emotions.

"Tony," he whispered as he cupped his hand to the said male's cheek. His blue eyes filled with tears kept he kept them at bay. Every thought came into his mind, wanting to say everything but he knew he couldn't keep the man waiting while in pain any longer before saying, "I love you. So much."

He leaned forward and pressed his lips on Tony's forehead before smiling knowingly as he saw the male struggled slightly to say the words back. "I know, doll. You don't have to say it. I already knew. I forgive you for all the things I know you wanted to apologise about and I'm sorry for everything I put you through. It's okay, Tony. You can let go now," he choked out softly, feeling Pepper's head on his shoulder, sobbing as soon as the light of the arc reactor faded.

Tony's hand that clutched onto Steve's tightly grew slack.