Basically: Having an existential crisis+rant + fanceh Trigger Warning: Existential crisis ahead
Sometimes I think that we are dust specks in this ocean of the cosmos. Just floating around absorbed in our own little world. We are like mini planets with our own atmosphere.
With dreams that light our horizons, with thoughts that form our clouds, with our bodies which function like an eco system. Sometimes we interact with other planets and for some few nanoseconds on this scale of eternity, we share that time together and then like all things that exists, we decay.
We turn into the dust we were, are and will be. And then some other speck takes our place.
But someday we won't be the specks here anymore. All of us, the person sitting next to you, me, you.
A friend in my class tells me, "Dont be so nice to me. I will miss you when you are gone".
I ask her how I was kind to her and she replies , "You talking to me is something I will remember as kindness". I do not reply.
Everything will end like seasons everything will change.
You won't be remembered by anyone because the people who remember you will be gone too. The person you shared that coke with, the person who gave birth to you, the person who changed your diapers, the person who taught you how to speak, the person you fell in love with, the person you grew up loving and the people who love you. They all will die.
There will come a time when the last person whor remembers you will think about you for the last time. The last thing you created will the acknowledged for the last time and then you will be forgotten.
You will reside nowhere. You won't be anywhere. You will be in Oblivion.
Does it matter what grades you are going to get in the next exam? Does it matter whether you like a person? Does it matter whether your heart breaks? Does it matter that you get up everyday? Does it matter that you are chasing dreams which may be a fruitless hunt for love and affection? Does it matter that I exist? Do I matter? What is even the point of getting out of bed to build things which will decay?
We are all going to die anyway.
I have always held onto hope and believed it is the thing with feathers and capable of existing anywhere. At the moment, I have feeling desperately hopeless. This feeling might change as time passes and I might have a counter for every one of my points here.
But right now I am thinking about death and how inevitable it is. How I will lose everything I care about and its terrifying but this life is a story I know the ending to at least.
Ahhhhhh,
Ash out
