Drains
Tip. Tip. Tip.
I could hear the water drops falling down, rhythmically and steadily. I could predict when the next drop would fall. Blood mixed with water surrounded the ground I lay upon. I lay there, motionless with eyes closed; counting the water drops.
Darkness was all I could see, nothing else and nothing more.
I felt numb and lifeless or perhaps I was just too tired to react. I was tired, extremely tired. My mind shielded me from the past and present and all that crossed its barrier were the water drops echoing inside the dark tunnel in which I lay.
Tip. Tip. Tip.
Then it seemed that my senses were coming back to life one by one.
I could see now.
I opened my eyes and found myself staring at a dark, grey ceiling. It was the peacefully haunting grey one would see on a stone grave. It wasn't trying to hide the fact that death was glaring at me.
I saw a lined shadow on the ceiling. It was the shadow of the bars of steel towards the back of where my head lay on the ground. I could see strings of golden sunlight in the shadow of the bars. The shadow was of the mouth of the tunnel or drain in which I lay.
Then I could smell. I smelt moisture and dampness. The smell of aged moss tickled my nostrils and the distant stench of something foul, made me scrunch my nose.
Soon I could feel.
I could feel the blood and water around me, moving beneath me steadily, slowly. I could feel my own chest moving up and down, steadily and slowly. I could feel the stab wound in my side, bleeding; steadily and slowly.
The pain, I felt the pain like one feels a rush of adrenaline. It surged through my body as if it was alive and fast and increasing steadily. My breath came out in short ragged, non-uniform gusts of air.
I felt tired, I wanted drift off to sleep. To close my eyes and sink into a long slumber never to open them again.
I had given up, there was no hope. After all I was inside a drain pipe, bleeding to death.
It was then that my thoughts came to life.
The sudden burst of emotion was so strong that it drew tears to my eyes. My once blue eyes looked if the color was washed out of them and all that in their place remained were two colorless orbs glimmering with tears. A stream of silver ran down my cheeks and joined the blood-mixed water.
The realization hit home that this was the end. It was time to go.
I had imagined going away for a while now but it was not like this, never like this.
Like this, I feared that no one would know that I was gone. I would forever remain buried beneath a grave of water and steel in this drain and no one would know where I was or why I was gone.
I was going to sink into oblivion. Into a pipe of toilet water, blood and puke. Never to see the surface.
With whatever little energy I had left in me, I cried. My body shook in a manic stupor a d then became catatonic. I didn’t make a sound, it was like a silent prayer. A final silent prayer.
All the things I had done came back to me. It was not much. I had grown up and at the ripe age of twenty two I was dying. I hadn’t even lived a whole life.
At this moment, I didn’t think of my killer. He was the last thing that crossed my mind. I was too busy pondering life and death.
I felt regret. Lots of regrets.
I should have told my mother I loved her more often maybe then she’d have stayed, and maybe then dad wouldn’t have to go to rehab, maybe then I wouldn’t be lying here.
I felt alone. I longed for one last glimpse of Riley’s face before I went.
She was the only human being I had ever loved in my life. I should have asked her out but I didn’t, I missed the chance. I remembered the millions of times I had scribbled Lacey and Riley at the back of my notebook, the living proof of my hesitation and cowardice.
I had to let go, let it all go. All the what-could-have-been-s and all the things that had been. Regret, nausea, nostalgia and sadness left my body and mixed in with my blood too.
I stared at the sunlit ceiling. I had to make one last effort, one last choice.
With every shred of energy I had left in me, I willed myself to move.
I crawled painfully towards the bars. More blood gushed out from my wound but I couldn’t care less. I picked my head up so that I could see where I was going. All I should see was light, bright light.
With a hand here and a leg there I crawled,
pathetically.
Everything I had ever done in my life lead to this, this final effort. A little more, a little more. I crawled and crawled till I could feel my skin become synonymous with the water. Till I could no longer feel my body. Till I was numb.
I was close, very close. I stretched my hand forward with the maximum effort I could. My body shook convulsively, I shook and shuddered with the pain. I let out a yelp and then, there it was; the bar in my hand.
The light shining in my face, the Sun glimmering with hope.
I smiled, a crooked smile.
Tip, tip, tip.
With a smile on my face, the sun on my cheek and water beneath my feet; I left this world. I left without any regrets, knowing that I had not screwed up the last chance. That I had done something, that I had tried.
Even though I had been drained out of the hearts of the people I loved, they had stayed in mine. Hate and distance were not enough to change my feelings. I had stayed strong till the end and even though I ended up in the drain, I had always tried. I had tried, I had tried.
Tip. Tip. Tip.
