Dreamt of Heaven

Chapter 17

Clarke POV
I felt a warm arm around my waist as well as a warm body near mine. Suddenly everything hits me at once. I had a breakdown. In front of Lexa. Fuck.

I slowly open my eyes to see that my head is resting on her chest and my arm wrapped around her body. I raise my head to look at her and I see that she's fast asleep. A smile creeps onto my face as I see her in her relaxed state.

She looks so peaceful, so effortlessly beautiful. She almost even looks younger. Like if the business world hasn't depended on her so much. I stare at all the fine details as she sleeps soundly. The crave to draw coming back to me after so many years. To push charcoal on paper. To push paint on a canvas.

I stopped drawing long ago for many reasons, Raven and Octavia always trying to push me back into it. And yet all it takes is a sleeping Lexa to get me to want to draw. I don't know why, but I do. I want to draw again. I want to capture the beauty that's right in front of me. I want to trace and remember every detail that is Lexa.

"You're staring," Lexa husked out in a sleepy voice not opening her eyes. I keep "staring" at her not moving a single inch.

"I'm not 'staring'," I said still looking at her "I'm simply admiring" I whispered causing Lexa to smile lazily.

After a few seconds, she opens her eyes and moves her head to where she can see me. She's still smiling softly making me smile. She lifts her free arm to lay against my arm that's on her stomach.

"So that's what you call it..." Lexa let out in the same husky voice while drawing random patterns on my arm. I blush slightly at her accusations as her hand gives me chills.

She chuckled light before saying "It's okay I also did some admiring before you woke up," with a glowing smile. She slowly closed her eyes after making that comment.

I propped up my head with the arm that wasn't getting caressed by Lexa. I stared at her and watched try to fight off sleep and her breathing evening out.

"I'm sorry" I whisper, surprising myself in the sudden apology. I hold up my own head as I move my other hand to push a loose strand of hair behind her small ear.

"For what?" Lexa hums back, with her eyes closed as I caress her face with my hand.

"For having a breakdown, I didn't think this would happen. I'm sorry," I say while pulling my hand away in embarrassment.

Lexa quickly opened her eyes and frowned. "Don't be, it happens to everyone whether they like to admit it or not..." Lexa said trying to reassure me. "Do you want to talk about it?" she said in a small voice.

"I used to go to balls all the time, I'm pretty sure you heard me tell Bellamy that," I began as I watched Lexa listen carefully. "I was always forced to go because of my um- dad. Him being such a prestigious engineer and major business owner, there was no way he couldn't show up with his perfect daughter and wife." Lexa's scrunched up her eyebrows and began to frown at the comment. "I didn't mind, it was just another excuse to skip classes for a couple of days, although I didn't particularly enjoy them either."

Lexa's hand stilled against my arm as she continued to look sad. "Did you enjoy last night?" she whispered looking into my eyes, searching for honesty.

"I did. Lexa, I meant it when I said you helped me loosen up. I've needed to have fun for who knows how long," I said giving her a genuine smile, remembering more and more fragments of the night with the more time I spent with Lexa. She gave me a small halfhearted smile back.

"Eventually the fame from my dad started shifting to younger and better businessmen, meaning I could skip balls, galas, and charities every once and a while. Eventually, I just stopped going altogether," I said looking down at Lexa's concentrated face. I paused for a while to give her enough time to process everything I had said. Not only giving her a break but also giving myself a break in the process.