FE3H x Reader (reqs closed)

self-doubt // sylvain (1/s)

"Damn it."

"Shit!"

"I can't do anything right!"

"Again?!"

"I'm useless!"

Sylvain watched as (Y/N) finally threw their weapon to the ground out of frustration. The technique they were trying so hard to master wasn't coming easy. Professor Byleth had put you forward for the Paladin certification exam. You were perfectly fine on a horse, but what good is a Paladin in battle when they can't even hit their target?

Once the clattering of wood on stone finished, you let out a growl, gripping your sweat-drenched head. You always feel there's so much pressure on you to be the best knight as possible. It was layered on in your childhood, and it has now been internalized as performance anxiety. Any time you mess up, it's repeated scoldings on yourself. You've broken quite a few weapons with this bad habit of yours.

"(Y/N), take a breath," Sylvain says in a calm tone to try and get you to calm down. He comes up behind you but doesn't touch you because you would probably just whip around and hit him in your current state. An irate growl escapes your lips and the weapon clatters against the floor. "You've exhausted yourself. People have their off days."

"Well I damn well seem to be having an off life!" Of course this is an exaggeration, but you can't help it in the spur of the moment. Angry tears begin to prick in your eyes. When you get going in your fits of frustration at yourself, you always end in a hot mess. You're too pissed off right now you're not sure what to do with yourself. So you stand there and cry? Beat up the target? Shout?

Your body decides to take option one. The damn tears fall from your face. You hate it. You hate looking weak in front of other people. Sylvain must think you're useless. Your strength is nothing compared to any of the guys in the class. Ingrid runs laps around you in elegance and you're miserable at magic, so Annette and Mercedes are on a whole different plane of existence than you pretty much.

You begin choking back sobs, letting your hands fall to your sides and staring at the floor in the distance. You can't be bothered to wipe up your tears or hide yourself from Sylvain. He already knows how weak you are anyway.

"I know what you're thinking. Quit it," Sylvain suddenly says adamantly. "I know that look."

You let out a strange grunt through gritted teeth. You grip your upper arms and hang your head after turning away from him.

"Has Lord (L/N) been sending you more of those letters?" Sylvain asks. He's seen the letters you've received from your father. They're hateful in their words. Your father has little to no emotion towards. His letters are always just to 'notify' you of your responsibilities and what is expected of you at the knights academy and what you are to do for the family. But the way they're worded are terrible. It was like he was talking to a rotten piece of wood.

You nod your head, wiping your tear stained cheek with your sleeve. At this point, you'd had enough. The smallest failure was enough to send you over the edge, and it just happened to be now when that happened.

"What a bastard..." Sylvain mutters under his breath. He takes a few steps towards you and places a gentle hand on your shoulder. "The moment we're out of here, you're ditching that loser. You can come and stay with me." Sylvain chucks a thumb over his shoulder.

You open your puffy, tear stained eyes. "Not like he'd ever allow that."

"You're your own person. You're not his pawn. So what you're not perfect? I'm far from perfect. Hell, I'm a mess. (Y/N), you're far better than I'll ever be. So what you miss a target in training a few times? You plow through enemies on the battlefield. I always get stuck in the rearguard." Sylvain takes you into his arms now. You've seen the way that he's hugged other girls when he's been flirting with them, but this felt genuine. It was different.

You just place your head on his shoulder and silently cry into his jacket. Sylvain just stands there, supporting you in his embrace. It's such a comforting gesture. It's been a very long time since you've felt security like this.

"You just gotta clear your head. It might not be easy, but once you do, you'll be an amazing Paladin. Worst case, I can give you some lance training. How does that sound?" Sylvain says, pulling back a little bit to look at you. You meet his gaze and nod a little too shakily for your liking.

"Thank you, Sylvain..."

"You'll get through this shit. I'll be there to help you." He slides his hand into yours. Once again, it's a genuine gesture. The safety newfound safety you feel with him now is the beginning of your progress