HER.

.

Hey everyone.
This is not an update but I just need to express my feelings to someone and that someone is all of you.
(It's going to be quite a paragraph)

I've dated a guy for 3 years.
I love him so much and I still do.
But I left him recently as he was mentally abusing me (calling me a bitch, slut, whore), accusing me of cheating, never apologised and he's a narcissist. A hard out one at that.

He called me everyday this week.
One day he'd be loving then the other he would treat me like I'm nothing saying stuff like "I'm not obligated to call you" or "you ruined our future plans"
Which is killing me inside.

Yesterday he told me to write down a list of things to do to get him back which are the following:
1. Cut all connections with my CHILDHOOD friends
2. Won't date until 2021 (he can have sex with someone else when I can't)
3. Talk 3 days a week
4. Will get a "punishment"
5. I can not go to church. Because my friends go there.

Why do I love him?
And I told him I was willing to cut connections with my friends and he was like "ok but not ready I want to have sex with someone else if it happens it happens not looking for it but yeah"

He told me this right after he told me he wanted to be with me and wanted to have a family and all.
I sort of get it because he wanted to even the "body count" as I was his first but he wasn't mine and he would use it against me even when he knew I was assaulted.

And if you truly loved me
Why would you think about the body count?
He's so vengeful and spiteful yet I still want him?
I know he's no good but I feel so empty and alone.

I don't know what to do.
But all I know is I love all of you thanks for reading my rant x

DELETING IN 24 HOURS XO