Knock Me Down - [COMPLETE]

26 - Pace

Exams are over. Im back. Here's two updates to make up for it. A regular one and a shorter one with mild steam.
—

My dad asked me to help him put up Christmas lights outside. We're not the types to do it the first week after Thanksgiving but my dad still makes sure we have something on the house. I'm happy to do it since I haven't spent time with him in awhile. We never talk too deeply about anything but somehow I felt like I was closer to him than my mom.

"Boy, hand me more shingle and gutter clips over there " He's holding down the white LED lights with his right hand sticking out for me. He's on the roof while I follow along with the clips. We're not intense with our decorations since we don't actually celebrate Christmas. Sometimes a white and blue wreath on the door. We outline the edges of the roof with lights. We put up a white plastic Christmas tree that glows a bright fluorescent white with icy blue and navy blue ornaments and then another fake green tree indoors.

"How's Abuela?"

"Still kickin'. She's good. She's been askin' 'bout you"

"She'll see me at the dinner"

He shakes his head like it's not enough, "She wants you to visit more"

"I don't go as much 'cause every time I come over she asks me questions and says things like how I should be thinking about marriage and my credit score"

"She just wants to see you grow up like Benicio. Y'always done good for yourself in school but you've always been less collected. He's got a girlfriend. He's ready for graduation. He knows where he's goin' after it's done" He takes his focus off the lights, "And he's employed"

Here we go.

"How's Ben though? I haven't seen Dima in awhile. She's a good one. I hope she keeps rubbin' off on him like that. You know, she be wearin' the pants with how easy your brother keeps himself on track at her advice. Lord knows he don't listen to nobody"

More than happy to shift the conversation I tell him, "He's okay. He's getting ready for nationals next year with Jasper. Dima's working on her senior grad requirement so she's at the hospital a lot. But she told me she still might be coming to dinner"

"Mm, good. Jasper still overachieving? Your brother knows how to get himself some damn good influences. If only he could take 'em. Has Benicio caught up to him?" He corrects himself knowing Benicio could be academically hopeless, "In track, I mean"

"Yeah, Jasper's as great as ever. The best he's ever been. And no" I laugh because part of the reason my brother's so good is his competitive nature, and although Jasper has always been able to push him past his limits: Jasper's always been a step and a half ahead. "He still hasn't. But he's up there"

He smiles waiting for more clips from me to give him, "Proud of that kid. Kid's his own kind 'a special. How you doin', huh? How's the competition this year? You've gotten a lil' bulkier, some meat on your bones"

"I'm working harder. The team and I are doing pretty good. We're breaking a lot of PR's. We've been placing every tournament so far. This weekend is canceled because of a snowstorm though. We won't have a tourney until January"

"That's great, boy" His tone becomes playful "I just wish you'd let me come watch y—"

"No."

He laughs heartily knowing what I'd say. He has a deep, gruff bear-like laugh. He sounded like a man who's never known stress when he laughed. "One'a these days I'ma make sure that shit happens"

He smiles at me like I'm his biggest accomplishment. "You know, I don't like talkin' about this 'cause I know ya' momma brings it up every ten seconds but are you dating? You bein' safe?"

I shake my head as uninhibited as possible. I couldn't tell him. "I'm not. You know I'm not"

He doesn't reply right away, adjusting the lights he wrapped around his arm to pull more out like a roll of tape. I start attaching the clips to each light myself to get through this faster and avoid an interview of any more questions.

"That's okay. All in good time, boy. You know how I feel about love" I know he doesn't really care if I have a girlfriend or not right now. I know he cares about my happiness. In times like these when we're together, and he makes sure I know he cares about what's going on in my life it makes me think: I could tell him more.

Jasper comes out of my house coming from hanging with my brother, a waft of warmth escapes the door and upon seeing us and the decorations on the ground asks, "Need any help, sir?"

"Ay, Jasper. We were just talkin' 'bout you. Yeah, Benicio's lazy ass won't come out and do it" If my dad asked for my brother's help his job would end up being feeding our old man chips while my dad and I do all the work. "Mateo, you two start putting the spheres on the Christmas tree when you're done with that"

My dad shifts his body, tired of leaning on the roof, "You doing good in school, kid?"

Jasper comes closer, "Yeah, 'bout as good as ever. Track's chewing me up though"

"Mm, finish strong this year. I remember y'all were short of the championship last year"

"I could even promise you" He replies coolly.

"Your old man told me y'all got plans for Christmas and he's bringin' his girl—oh, right" Shit.

I almost audibly groan. He's gonna ask. "You got a girlfriend?"

And he asked.

"I don't"

He furrows his brow and teases my neighbor, "A boy like you? How does yo' daddy have a girl but you don't?"

I observe Jasper checking if that affected him. He seems unphased. He even makes his signature million dollar laugh, The one he saves for family and family friends: charming and without suspicion.

"I'm not in a hurry" His eyes are on the tree while I look for something in his face that'll admit anything. He's probably saying it for my dad's sake.

I get down the ladder and scoot the box of decorations next to the tree so we can start putting on the big dark blue ones first. Jasper stands with me, behind the pine.

"I understand. I think you boys ought to do what you think is right for y'selves. You ain't gotta get yourself some half assed relationship just 'cause Ben does, your dad or anyone else. I don't care how long it takes or how soon, but that you're figuring it out" He chuckles shaking his head in disapproval of himself, "Let me tell you, I had some bad ones from rushing before his momma. Set your own speed, Jasper"

Jasper gives him an appreciative nod. His movements are like any other day. It's surreal. I've known him for so long, seeing him over at our house, hanging out with my brother, at get-togethers, helping us out with chores, and it's the same. Except this time we've kissed and here he is: helping with our decorations. He plugs in the tree and when it lights up and beams on his face he's looking at me. Im surprised by the faint smile on his lips.

"What?" He murmurs in serious curiosity.

Catching his gaze makes me blush to my neck, "Nothing. Just thinking"

He takes the redness in my skin as a symptom of the cold and adjusts the beanie on my head to cover my ears. It hangs down too low on my forehead. His palm, not yet bared the outdoors long enough to lose warmth, comes over my forehead to push it back up a little.

I almost let the angel ornament in my hand slip and drop from being incapable of staying professional in Jasper's presence. I look away and swallow to clear my throat.

I can see the amusement on him from the corner of my eye and he goes back to putting up the ornaments in his same disregard like our intimacy was as normal as getting through Christmas chores in December.

My heart clutches itself in me from the effects of that small action mixed with my dad's romanticism, but it's a strange feeling. My dad's just a few feet away. And he's my secret.

I don't know if my dad would console me in the same way if he knew it was Jasper.