𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 - 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐎 𝐂.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟖

i lean over and straighten the sheets in the crib, i look over to the other crib and stare at its emptiness. 

Mariana didn't make it.

i make it back to Jahkai's crib and he reaches out, gurgling as he grasps for my finger.

"baby, go to sleep." i murmur.

"da.. da." Kai slurs before bursting into loud hiccups of laughter.

"daddy is in the shower." i smile, stroking his cheeks gently.

i don't think Mar has left me yet, same for my baby girl. i see them all around me, and as for jahkai, he's a spitting image of his father. he has the same eyes, the same smile, dimples and everything.

"da.. da" he repeats, this time starring over my shoulder, his eyes are very dilated. i turn around and theres no one around me. Jahkai points to the open door behind me.

as i said, i don't think Mar left me yet.

"alright young man, I'm pretty sure daddy wants you to go to sleep, am i right?" i say attempting to ask Mariano.

Kai giggles one last time and his eyes slowly shut. it takes a couple of minuets, and then he falls asleep.

sigh, straightening myself up, scanning the room. "please keep him safe."

i say to no one at all.

i walk into my room exhausted, holding the 'heart beat teddy bear ' the doctors gave me.

Mattia exits the bathroom, with wet hair plastered on his forehead and a towel around his waist.

"i know, i miss her two," he says rubbing my back, "I'm guessing you haven't had dinner yet?" he says sliding his arm around my waist .

"I'm living that collage student life." i lean into his chest its warm, and still dripping of water.

"will some Chinese take out heal your wounded collage student soul?" mattia asks kissing the crook of my neck.

"you know me so well." i slowly slip away and head to the bathroom stripping myself of my clothes. its 11 at night and i have an essay due.

i relax when the steam of the warm water hits my back, and makes steam in the room. i duck under the head of the shower, feeling the water run off my exhausted back.

its been two years since i lost Mariano, and in these two years, I've given birth to Jahkai and Mariana, i fell in love with Mattia. a lot has happened.

Now I'm 19 balancing being a mother and a collage student.

Falling in love with Mattia was very unexpected. It feels like ever since i knew i was carrying twins, Mar did everything in his capacity to get me together with someone. Soon that someone turned into Mattia.

How else can i explain when Mattia  came knocking on my door when i was filling out collage applications. i was stunned for a moment i thought it was a coincidence, but it was just the doings of Mariano.

i found Mattia's phone number in my contacts, something i never did. I also found a text 'i' sent giving him my address. and asking him for a meet up.(which i also never did)

i knew then and there that it was the works of Mar himself.

i eventually hung out with Mattia and i enjoyed it, even if it was all just a plan for Mariano.

He was the first person i called the i found out i got into the collage i wanted, he was also the first i called in the middle of the night when my water broke.

he was there for me when the doctors said little Mari couldn't make it.

he was the one who held Jahkai like a father.

Mattia really filled in a void for me, when i went through all those things.

I love Mar and Mattia with different loves, but equally.

i now live in a apartment in Florida with Mattia, its a convenient place because he has a huge platform on social media.

that was Mar's dream job.

i step out of the shower struggling to clasp my bra.i get on some clean clothes  and make my way to the living room.

Mattia eats out of the take out carton, filming through tv channels. i climb onto the couch and bring the laptop towards me.

"what are you working on?" mattia says resting his chin on my shoulder.

"an essay."  i pull up the document and scan the title; discuss the nature of death sentence.

my breath hitches' shouldn't have joined fucking law school.

"ohhhh, thats.." Mattia starts.

"im not doing this damn paper." i shut the laptop.

"and your excuse is?" Mattia questions me, raising his eyebrows.

"i have had contact with a person/ been in a relationship with someone  who succumbed to the nature of death sentencing itself. That means I'm not able to provide fair opinion on the subject. thats why i believes i am unqualified to turn in this paper."

"imma just pretend i understood what you were talking about," mattia grunts getting up from the couch. "lets just watch some disney plus or something."

"my momma instincts tell me that Kai is going to cry very soon." and as if it were on cue, he begins wailing.

"ill go." mattia dashes. put i pull him back, "no ill go." i say and he laughs shrugging it off. Mattia goes back and focuses on the tv.

The light in Kai's room turns on.

i hear Jahkai's cried die away slowly.

i hold my breath as i walk into the room, Kai's sheets are pulled tighter and there is a pacifier in his mouth.

 the light switches off and the room goes back into its darkness

and i now know that Mariano Castano hasn't left me.

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𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓮𝓷𝓭