What If

Prologue: The Observer

Huh, well, that's a new one...

* * * * *

Sometimes I forget that what I'm watching is an actual reality show. My reality. The setting is all too familiar: same town, same people, same me. You'd think after all this time I'd get bored of the program and want to change the channel but here's the thing, the story always changes. That virtual copy of me, living in the same town with the same people? She, the Subject, gets to change my story. Imagine having the ability to never wonder, what if. Because in my world, once it's over, she will be reborn and likely make a decision that will answer the question. I'm living the perfect life...well, she's living it for me...but ultimately, at some point, my life is (or will be) perfect.

I'm Emma Brooks, also known as the Observer and I guess you can say I drew the proverbial lucky straw to be the original subject. 

I lived my life and when it was all over, I ended up here, nothing turning out the way I was told. All those years spent in Sunday school didn't prepare me for this. Forget the pearly white gates and a book with names, I woke up in a beautiful house with an amazingly cute, brown labradoodle with a white muzzle, who I named Charlie, and an unusual number of screens throughout the house. It was like being in a place that was vaguely familiar, somewhere I had always dreamed of but never actually visited. The noticeable difference, apart from Charlie, I was the only one here. Not that I minded because I was one step away from being a pretty effective recluse in my old age but here it was eerily quiet and my thoughts started to become louder and louder in my head.

"Where am I?" I didn't realize I had said this out loud until I looked over at Charlie, who was staring back at me, his head cocked to one side as if he was trying to understand my question. "Oh, great, now I'm that person who talks to herself. But it's not like I have any options."

I walked around the house, followed by Charlie, from room to room, looking for clues as to where I was. I already knew he was going to be the best companion as he ran between my feet, wagged his tail and barked encouragingly. Nothing, no identifiable landmark or personal belonging to help me figure this out. The only thing familiar here was me, I passed a mirror and paused – same silver curls, lines in my face and wisdom behind my slightly crows-feet eyes. 

There had to be something, I knew I couldn't be in some random purgatory where there's nothing to do, no one to talk to and no idea what it was all for. Then, as if almost on cue, a video started to play on the screen. It startled both Charlie and me since the room was so quiet. I took a seat on the comfy sofa, followed shortly by Charlie who curled up next to me taking full advantage of the rest from pacing around the house, and hit the play button on the screen.

"That's me!" I said with a start...I didn't remember filming anything like this so I was a little surprised to find myself on the screen.

The woman on the video, well me, I guess, explained all I needed to know about the place I was in. As I thought, this wasn't some random purgatory – it was a simulation. I had the ability to watch my life play out repeatedly with choices and circumstances that could allow for different outcomes. The idea was intriguing, watch my life unfold in ways that may lead in a different direction! I'd always wondered if I'd made the right decisions but never regretted anything – my life, as it was, seemed perfect.

I was born in a relatively small town in Southern California to two hard working parents who did everything they could to ensure their daughter had a good life. They sacrificed their time with me, and sometimes each other, to make sure we had food on the table and a way to pay the bills. We weren't poor, per se, but we definitely didn't have it easy.

As an only child, my life was filled with toys, books and imagination to keep me occupied at home. School is where my world lit up! We lived on the same street as my elementary school so our house was always a popular hangout for me and my friends – one friend, Sebastian Hall, was always there.

I met Sebastian in kindergarten; me, with a button nose, rosy cheeks and unruly brown, curly hair and he, with a blond, curly bowl cut, who was a little short and whose mom dressed him in unfortunate sweater vests and collared shirts every day. For some reason, I always picked on poor Sebastian...moving his chair slightly off to one side with my foot so when he sat down, he missed the chair entirely or knocking him over on the obstacle course in the schoolyard. He made for a willing victim though because no matter what I did, he always ran over to play with me when the recess bell rang.

Over time, Sebastian and I became best friends – inseparable throughout middle and high school. Together, we made it through some trying times – my parents separation, relationships (not like we dated a lot of people but we were always there for each other when something went awry), troubles with school and stress of getting into college. He was always there for me and I for him; two constants in a swirling, crazy time.

Unfortunately, once we got to college, we went our separate ways as our world was opened to new people and new experiences. Our majors were very different so while we tried to keep our friendship going, we were pulled in opposite directions and settled with new friends. We'd occasionally see each other around campus and meet up for coffee, but it was never quite the same. Ultimately, we both realized that life pushed us apart but we had each other when we needed it most. I wish I'd kept up with Sebastian and others from high school but sometimes life gets in the way. I often wondered how he's doing.

After college, I went straight into the workforce. That's where I met Adam Ellis. We worked together and were friends for years before we started to grow closer and eventually fell in love. The world we created for ourselves was comfortable – perfect for our small family and few, close friends. Through our lifetime together we had 2 beautiful children and 4 grandchildren. When my time ended, I knew my family was well taken care of and I was happy Adam would be waiting for me on the other side.

But how differently things ended up – no Adam. Instead I was met by Charlie, my trusty, furry companion and the ongoing saga of my life, playing on a loop through multiple iterations – most ending in similar ways to mine. All this and however many lifetimes passed, my story has changed but I'm still here. I still haven't lived that perfect life – would anything change?

Ultimately, there isn't much I wished were different in my childhood. Family? Completely out of my control. You're born with two parents and whether they stay in your life is their decision, not yours. As for friends...when you're a kid, it's easy. Meet someone, run up to them on the playground at school, play a few games - instant friend. As you grow up, the circle you create for yourself is what shapes you into the person you become and if that circle is amazing, it goes with you to the quintessential time where actions have consequences, where the what ifs run rampant. High School.

So, this is where I spend most of my time – watching the subjects live through high school to see how our future ends up. Mostly it's the same, apparently the subjects all have a very consistent outlook on our future. But what's important to note here is this time, something is different. The circle of people in this subject's life and the circumstances of the differences from my past are intriguing. She's amassed the usual cast of characters – the best friend, the popular kids (you know, the ones you always want to hang out with), the kids she ACTUALLY hung out with (you know, the ones who are a lovely and confusing mix of people who found each other because they don't belong with the popular kids), and of course – the unattainable crush. But there was something about this circle that made me stop and take notice. There were complications that didn't exist before.

* * * * *

Huh, well, that's a new one...

"Charlie...", I pause with my head cocked to one side as I stared at the screen. He stopped playing for a moment and looked up at me, with an inquisitive look on his adorable little face. "I think it might be time to pay attention."