What If

Chapter 2

Let's be honest, there isn't a lot of hope for an amazing start to summer if you're stuck in an RV for two weeks with your parents. Normally I'd be able to avoid them by keeping my eyes glued to my phone, whether it's chats with Sebastian or scrolling through multiple feeds on social media. Spotty service and an "unplugged" Sebastian have made it difficult to look preoccupied all the time. 

Still, they try...my busy parents see this is as a good opportunity to catch up on current events of my life. Mostly, I'm trying to avoid the awkward conversations, but it's impossible – do you have a boyfriend, or girlfriend, because 'we're cool with whatever you choose', where do you want to go to college, or what do you want to major in? Essentially, all the questions I've been trying to avoid for the last year. I answer in short, succinct bursts...no, maybe and not sure yet, hopefully those gruff responses give them enough information so they'll stop and we can sit in awkward silence as all family vacations are meant to be.

To be fair, it isn't all bad – sometimes you just need to grin and bear it. As the trip drags on, I take the occasional picture with mom or dad, enjoy hiking while breathing clean air, stare out the window, earbuds in, as we drive past the world – what a great way to escape the constant noise. I start to feel comfortable and not as confined as when the trip first started, not to mention my parents finally backed off from their multiple lines of inquiry. We fall into a groove and it almost became fun.

I post an occasional picture on social media – not a huge fan of selfies so they tend to be panoramas of the landscape, random wildlife, or close-ups of flowers, cactus and rocks (the last two being a running joke for Jacob). And to my surprise, he commented and sometimes we'd even have short conversations, mostly just to say hey or briefly chat about what we are up to. Mostly one-sided, he never got into how his summer is going, even when I asked. I didn't want to pry so I just left it alone. It is nice to have someone to chat with but I miss Sebastian and our rambling conversations.

Thankfully, two weeks flew by quickly, probably because we are always on the move. It made me hopeful the next two weeks waiting for Sebastian's return would go by as quickly. Despite my aversion to selfies, I decide to post one as soon as we got home – house in the background and me, with the biggest smile and 'HOME, SWEET HOME' in big, bold letters. Then the inevitable chores begin...time to bring everything into the house and clean the RV so it's ready for our next trip, which thankfully isn't any time soon.

As much as I hate to admit, I check my phone, a lot, anxious to see if I get a reply from Jacob. Even though I made it clear I am home, as I expected, no message to hang out. I'm glad I kicked the ball in his court to message if he wants to meet, otherwise I'd be wracked with the consequences of rejection for a non-event. I browse his feed – he hasn't posted much over the last two weeks, a few pictures of him and his little brother on their adventures, but nothing for the last week. Rather than focus on the disappointment over the hang-out that was never meant to be, I keep myself busy binge-watching shows (not any Sebastian and I watch together, he'll kill me if I got ahead), researching colleges and walking around town. After a while, I stopped checking for messages from Jacob and chalked it up to just a random walk home with a conversation to fill the awkward silence. In a few days, Sebastian will be home, and all will be back to normal.

One morning, I am abruptly awakened by a barrage of messages on my phone and sure enough, Sebastian has essentially written a novel in text message form – must be side-effects of phone withdrawal. I briefly scroll through his messages and told him to come over and we'll walk to the park to vent about our respective vacations. We grab snacks and drinks before leaving the house and head to the park. We talk for hours, turns out overall, we had decent summer vacations and before we know it, we are starving and realize it is time for dinner. On our way to a nearby diner, the topic changed.

"Now that we're caught up, did anything exciting happen that we didn't cover?"

"So...I didn't get to tell you and not that it is important anyway," I said flippantly, "But I ended up walking home with Jacob on the last day of school." I watched for his reaction and sure enough, there it was. I need to get to the bottom of that look!

"Really? Couldn't wait for me to leave town before you moved on to another guy?" I know he's  joking but there's something in the tone of his voice that seems...irritated.

"Seb, come on, you know it wasn't like that at all. I was walking home, heard someone running to catch up, got freaked out and then I heard him ask me to wait up...so I did," I watch his reaction, nothing has changed so I kept going, "We talked about our final project, he apologized for not fully pulling his weight and then asked me about my plans for the summer." Keep it short and simple. That's it...stop right there.

"That's it? Nothing else? I mean, it's a bit of a walk...did you guys just stare at the ground?"

"He suggested I post pictures on social media and I sarcastically told him I'd post pictures of cactus and rocks along with profound quotes and then," I pause, "...He suggested we meet after I get back so we could catch up."

"Oh." Change in tone...disappointment? I may need to add a little bit of levity to diffuse the situation, although I still don't understand why he's being so difficult. 

Sound easy breezy, don't sound disappointed. "He must've gotten sick of my witty, profound quotes and pictures of cactus and rocks because he didn't bother to text when I got back."

"Well I'm glad he didn't take my place while I was gone. Honestly, what does everyone see in him? I mean sure, he's popular, gets all the girls, seems smart and irritatingly nice but other than that, what's he got that I don't have?"

In my head, I start a list of attributes Sebastian has that far outshines Jacob but then he started to laugh, staring at my obviously bewildered expression.

"I think it's pretty obvious why everyone's into him...I literally listed most of the reasons why! And what's annoying, there's probably more! I've seen you look at him...hell I've even seen him look at you!", his laughter fades away, "And it's ok Em, I totally get why he'd be into you."

Wait. What? Sebastian thinks Jacob is "into" me? From one brief conversation and an unfulfilled hang-out to chat about summer vacation? There's just no way. Jacob is way out of my league and I'm OK with that. One day, I'll find the right guy...but until then, there's a lot to plan for the upcoming year!

"Seb, you can't be serious. There's no way...and besides, I'll be too busy next year to think about relationships. You know that."

"Yeah, I know you're freaking out about the future, so I promise to provide distraction and meaningless nonsense to keep you grounded. So, where are we headed for dinner? I'm starved!" Once again, Sebastian manages to calm me down and change the subject in one sentence.

The rest of the summer is filled with trips to all our favorite places, a lot of binge-watching of our favorite shows, lots of laughter and long conversations. As expected, no word from Jacob, he's been missing from social media and I didn't see him around town either. Doesn't matter, no time for that now, the summer is ending and it's time to prepare for our junior year. The panic starts to settle in when I thought about the things I need to focus on – good grades, extra-curricular activities, pre-testing, actual testing, colleges and more. But here's what I didn't expect...even Sebastian starts to pay attention and begins to worry about the same things – maybe I finally rubbed off on him! In the end, we made a pact...together, we'll get through the next year.