What If

Chapter 5

I leave the classroom and a sense of calm washes over me. As I join the rush of people in the hallway, I see a familiar set of shoulders and head towering over everyone else. I quickly navigate the busy halls and when walking next to him, nonchalantly start talking.

"I can't believe midterms are finally over. That last one, I knew it was going to be tough, but there's no way I could've expected that."

He pauses for a moment then continues walking while not looking in my direction. "Oh, I'm sorry...do I know you? It's been so long since we've talked, I didn't think we were still on speaking terms." The sarcasm in Jacob's voice oozes out of his mouth with such ease...crooked smile and all. I conveniently stood on his left side just to get a glimpse of the dimple I knew would make an appearance.

"OK, OK...you're not wrong. I have been missing in action lately, but can you blame me? The Calculus midterm was insane, and you know I need a strong grade to keep my GPA up."

"Do you mean higher than mine? Because I'm going to give you a run for your money on valedictorian next year."

"Umm have you forgotten? You know you would literally kill my dreams if you steal the title away from me, right? We've been over this before...you can be salutatorian. I get to make the big speech, you, the smaller one, which works because you're a man of so few words." Our banter has gotten so comfortable; we fell into a rhythm quickly and our level of sarcasm is almost equal...always a battle of wits.

"Alright fine...I guess I'll let you have it. Call you later?"

I shout as we head our different ways down the corridor, "Yep, I should be home around 4. Talk to you later!"

I pass by the library on my way to my locker and couldn't help but think back at how this year has played out so far – between rejecting my best friend, sequestered solitude and solo lunches in the library and a newfound friendship that almost makes me whole...I still miss Sebastian. Jacob knows part of me is missing, he even offers advice to try to get us talking again but I can't be the one to try to bridge the gap. It has to be him...on his terms, and obviously, he's not ready. Jacob says he understands but he's muttered the word 'stubborn' far too often – directed at both of us, I'm sure, but meant mostly for me since I won't budge. Instead, I settle for the few words we do share, in passing, at school.

The next day, Sebastian catches up to me leaving homeroom and my heart nearly stopped.

"Hey."

One word...how could one word make me so nervous? "Hey Seb, how are you?" It almost hurt to realize how foreign his name sounds coming out my mouth. I made a point to refer to Sebastian as 'he' or 'him' when speaking with Jacob because I wince every time I said his name. I stop in the hallway hoping it will prolong our conversation.

"I just want to check in with you. I know you had a pretty tough test in Physics and you'd be in full panic mode."

I must admit; I hoped this conversation would be about anything other than school but I will take whatever I get. "Oh, yeah. The test was a killer – how did you..."

"Sophia told me about it."

Of course he'd know about my test through Sophia Thomas; she's in my class and one of our mutual friends. Sebastian and I have known her since middle school but didn't start hanging out until high school, taking refuge on the stairs with all the other band of misfits who we called our friends. I noticed Sophia and Sebastian had become quite close since the beginning of the year, since we stopped talking – it didn't bother me, in fact, I was happy he had someone to talk to and who could, every once in a while, make him smile.