Bad Boys Wear Pink

tiktok legends

after leaving the wolfpack i was desperately searching for direction. i didnt know who i was or where i was supposed to go. i didn't make it to the fuck shack, one direction was so goddamn overrated by this point that i wanted absolutely nothing to do with them, the ghost of deb's past seemed to follow me everywhere i go and lezbischnitzel's boyfriend had a fucking VAGINA.

the longer i wandered around in the forrest, the stranger things started to get. the trees weren't green anymore and there was a giant rainbow over the sky. i kept seeing things out of the corner of my eye that kind of resembled teddy bears. eventually, there were frilly ass fucking shoes and skirts littering the grass. a laugh sounded from the distance. it sounded....familiar.

"no way," i said. "it can't be."

but it was.

There was a gigantic red and black building looming in the distance. the laugh grew louder with every step i took, and soon enough a giant fucking rodent jumped out at me.

"welcome to the mickey mouse club house!"

mickey. fucking. mouse.

he was taller than i expected, standing at least seven feet tall. having spent so much time with the cast of rat patootie, i felt like being in the presence of this monstrosity of a mouse was a betrayal of my tribe. a betrayal...of 5chicken.

"where am i?" i asked mickey.

"I JUST TOLD YOU DUMB BITCH THIS THE MICKEY MOUSE FUCKIN CLUB HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"what the fuck is that?"

a cupcake whore floated down from the sky. she was dressed like a gigantic baby child and i was instantly overwhelmed with the urge to punch her in the face.

"THIS IS MI MI SHE A TIKFUCK LEGEND!!!" mickey screamed at me.

"ummmm not to be racist or anything but why the fuck are you yelling?" i asked him. cupcake bitch giggled.

"that's just mickey!!!!" she said, "he's so silly. my real name is Anime Musical Bitch, but you can call me Lolita!!!!"

"lolita? how'd you get lolita from all that?"

"because it's how i dress! this is my lolita fashion, i dress like this so that I can get likes on tiktok!! if you want to live in the mickey mouse club house, you have to become a tiktok legend. it's like the Jake Paul Team 10 house, but literally so much fucking worse any normal person wants to kill themselves. come inside, there's much to learn."

"no thanks," i said, "i'm gonna pass i think."

"GET THE FUCK INSIDE MY FUCKING HOUSE DUMB BITCH!!! YOU LOOK LIKE A MEAT POOT!!!!!" mickey screamed.

"okay you goddamn RAT i'm fucking coming!!!" i said. fuck this dude.

upon first glance, the place was nice. but then i noticed all the weird bitches moving their hands and pulsating in front of the cameras.

"they're making tiktoks," Mi Mi whispered to me. "it's called cosplay. we dress up like beetlefuck or anime bad boys then move our hands or try to finger you through the screens."

"yeah that's really nice," i said, "but unfortunately that's not my biggest concern. what really worries me is why there's a kid standing in the corner jacking off?"

we turned our attention to the asian dude near the back, violently stroking his micro penis between two fingers. he was staring at me intently, and i realized i was about to vomit.

"oh that's just a stray we picked up off the streets. he's harmless." Lolita assured me.

"SSSSSSSKATEBOARDSSSSS!" he screamed suddenly, nutting on the floor.

"AYE YO DICK FUCK!!! WHAT I TELL YOU ABOUT GETTING YOUR SOY SAUCE ALL OVER MY FUCKING CLUB HOUSE!!!! KEEP. IT IN. THE CLOSET!!!!!" mickey boomed from behind me, making me jump.

"can you STOP YELLING?!?!?!?" i cried. i'd has enough.

"OKAY BITCH. IF THATS HOW YOU WANNA BE."

the large rodent man picked me up in one glove and grabbed soy sauce boy in the other. he threw us in a nearby closet and locked the door.

"let me out!!!" i screamed banging on the door.

"YOU CAN LEAVE WHEN YOU BECOME A TIKTOK LEGEND!!!" mickfuck yelled back.

i was officially trapped.