Bad Boys Wear Pink

back in the closet :///

this closet was fucking rank.

there were styrofoam containers everywhere filled with old, festering meat and cell phones scattered around the floor. the screens showed failed attempts at becoming a tikkyfuck legend and the bones of failed lolita girls were piled high in the back corner. a knot twisted my tumtum, making me have to shit.

"i gotta fuckin rip ass. almost like i'm writing this while explosive liquid shits come outta my hole," i said to myself, ignoring the existence of soy sauce boy completely. he served his purpose and his involvement in the story ends now.

just then, i heard a rustle from beside me. it was too dark in here to see clearly, so i grabbed one of the phones and used the dim light to look around. "hello? is someone here?"

another meat box rustle. in the distance, i could hear slapping sounds. is someone getting they nut in?

"who's there?" i called again. this time, i caught a short glimpse of curly hair darting past my face. it was obvious that i wasn't alone.

a snarling sound came from the back of the closet, and the meat slapping got louder. i turned up the phone brightness and let out a wild scream when i saw the feral creature in front of me. the boy had his eyes wide, one hand clenching roast beef while the other rooted through the styrofoam containers. "meeeEEeEeEeEAAaaaTTttTtT," the animalistic man child screeched. but wait. those curls....i'd recognize them anywhere....was that...?

"Harry?"

at the sound of his name, he yodeled and started slapping meat against his face. "SHE MIGHT BE MY SKELETON BUMBLE FUCK BUT YOULL ALWAYS BE MY GHOST GIRL!!!!!" he cried.

here we go again.

"literally what does that even mean?"

"IT MEANS HE WANNA BE YA BUMCHUM!!!!" a new voice shouted next to my ear. i whipped around and was face to face with none other than niall horan.

"Nial?! What are you doing here?!"

"THA DARKNESS IS GOOD FOR MAH EGGS. THEY GET A BIT SHY INNIT, SO THE
CLOSET GIVES THEM COMFORT. MORE ELASTICITY. EASIER TO SHOVE UP YA BUMHOLE!!!!!" niall said.

"how'd you guys get here? i thought you were with sam winchester and the wolf pack?" i asked.

"we followed you," another new person said. it was louis. he was attempting to force a toothbrush and deodorant into Harry's hands, but harry wasn't having it. louis eventually gave up and pulled a pencil from his pocket. chowing down like a gay boy on asshole, he devoured the entire thing in less than four seconds.

"not much to eat in here, because harry likes to play wiff tha meat. that's why it smells like shit." louis explained. "whatcha got there??? gonna make a lil tikky fuck, then????"

"yeah i guess," i said. "mickey won't let me out unless i go viral."

"we can help you out bruv," liam payne said. the whole crew was here apparently. "fire up one of tha phones."

i did as instructed and set the phone on the floor in front of me. "what do we do now?" i asked.

"you just do that renegade, baby girl," daddy payne said. "we'll take care of the rest."

"okay...." i said. "here we go???"

we began filming the tiktok in the dingy closet. louis ate pencils at the speed of light. harry crabwalked back and forth with his meat. liam helicoptered his ten inch dick. then, zayn showed up. just like class, he began turning from vampire to human at a rapid speed, triggering my fight or flight.   i started hysterically sobbing, while doing the meanest, phattest, juiciest renegade dance anyone had ever seen. it was the longest minute of my life, and i'd never been so thankful for something to be over in my entire life.

"okay," i sobbed through my hyperventilating, "i posted it."

within three minutes, we got 80 billion 426 thousand likes. as soon as we hit the mark, the closet door opened. one direction poured out in front of me, but i was blinded by the sudden light. once i got my bearings together, i noticed a big banner hanging from the ceiling. there was a big, flowery cake and a bunch of legos on the floor.

we weren't in the mickey mouse cuck house anymore. this was worse. this was anarchy. this was...a wedding

•~•~•~•~••~•~•~•~•

big clitty girl reunion!!!!

c h a i r