Autumn Leaves and Teenage Dreams

7. A New Circle

November is in full swing before I even realize it. The leaves are at their brightest color, and I realize that in a few weeks, there might even be snow on the ground. When I tell Aurora this on my way home, she explains how excited she is for winter. I, on the other hand, am not looking forward to walking through a few feet of snow on the way to school, even if it glistens in the sun so beautifully like Aurora says. She promises her company will be enough to keep us both warm when we start to walk home on days like those. I tell her I'll hold her up to that promise.

On the walk to school in the morning, my mind wanders to strange places. I think how odd it is that a month ago, I was preparing for a horrendous Homecoming dance, and that Aurora and I barely knew each other at that time. Aurora and I still do not do much besides walk home, but as much as I hate to admit it, it's refreshing talking to some new people at school. I've had my friends alongside me for almost the entirety of high school. There's nothing wrong them, but I gave up on making any more shortly into high school. Friendship had always been a bit of a chore for me. Luckily for me, Aurora decided that we would become friends as soon as she met me. Strange how some people are just able to choose that. But I suppose I haven't complained.

The school hallways feel more crowded this time of year. As exams and the end of the semester draw year, everyone is either sluggish or running through the halls trying to print before the bell rings. I'm starting to feel the stress of the season myself, even if I should be thrilled that Thanksgiving and my birthday are in a few weeks.

Unfortunately, the chaotic nature of November also means that the few friends I have are always occupied with tutoring, teacher conferences, club meetings, and any other activities during lunch. For the past few days, I've had at least one girl in my friend group sitting next to me, but today, I scramble through the lunchyard, checking my phone before I even dare to sit down.

Abigail has a meeting, Allison is doing tutoring, and Hazel has just texted that she has to meet with a teacher. My last chance is Juliet who still has not appeared in our normal lunch spot. My phone lights up, and I see that she has an essay she needs to get done by the end of lunch. Great. I'm on my own.

My leg twitches as I look out ahead of the crowded lunchyard. I have no problem sitting alone and getting some work done, but as is the nature of an all-girls, Catholic high school, everyone is encouraged to be nice to everyone, which means if I sit alone for two minutes, a freshman will come up and offer me a spot with her friends. A sweet Christian sentiment, but for a junior, I find the situation humiliating. I wonder why the administration came to the conclusion that any girl who sits alone must be depressed and that solitude must be combatted at all costs.

Not wanting to even risk being pitied, I figure I'll start making my way to the library and quietly sneak my lunch in a table in the back, where the librarian can't hear the crinkling of my plastic bags or the sound of my chewing. I quickly turn around, my skirt spinning, as I start to march toward the library. I barely manage two steps before I hear someone call my name.

"Callie!"

Oh no.

Slowly, I pivot, seeing Aurora sitting at her friend group's normal lunch table. She's waving, smiling, and now motioning me forward, not giving me many options. Perhaps she's just asking for help on a homework question, though judging by the fact her table is not filled and she seems eager for me to walk over, I guess differently.

"Um. Hi," I say, awkwardly clutching the straps of my backpack.

"Do you want to sit with us?" Aurora asks. "I noticed you looking around all disoriented."

"Oh. Um." It would be rude to say no, especially now that all of her friends are looking at me, awaiting my answer. But didn't I just get pitied just now? The exact circumstance I was trying to avoid? "Sure," I say. Admitting my defeat, I set my backpack down and sit next to Aurora awkwardly.