H1ghr High School

18

Having Hannah, Stacey, Megan, Summer, Maria and Ally around took getting used too especially on our commutes to games.
Usually Jay would have me sit with him but he was occupied with entertaining Megan and normally nobody would settle for me sitting alone but everyone was distracted and didnt notice me taking a solitary seat in the back of the bus. It didnt bother me to much. I decided I'd use the alone time to study. I put my head phones in and seemed to disappear from everyone on the bus for the first time. That is until Harry moved seats and sat with me. "Hey stranger." I sighed taking an earbud out and giving it to him. "Killy? Ew." He scoffed, sitting my earbud down. "That's rude. Here you pick something then." I handed him my phone." "The lion king soundtrack?" "Best Disney movie ever." I didnt argue. "How you feeling with all these girls stealing your harem lifestyle from you. "They're adding to the harem." "They all seem pretty straight to me Heeji." "Even Megan?" "Especially Megan." "I complain a lot about yall flirting with me but I feel a little empty without it." I word vomited. "Maybe you shouldn't have picked such pretty girls to be with us." "Maybe I wanted attention from smoking hot girls." "How's that working out for you?" "I'm listening to the lion king soundtrack with you in the back of the bus. That's how its working." "Gotta start somewhere." Harry shrugged.
"Maybe I'm just practice for him to talk to the other girls." I sadly talked myself out of another crush. "Heeji!!" Minsik shouted for me. I met eyes with him. "I am confused! What is .25 times 50?!" "12.50." I answered instantly. "Are you sure!?" "Yes." "You're so smart Heeji!" Hannah held up her calculator, showing me the math. "Arent you bad at math." "I saw a meme with that problem." I smiled widely. "Of course you did" Harry chuckled.
We got to the game and checked in. The girls sat in the stands right above our dugout and were instantly loud and obnoxious...in the best way possible. They really boosted the boys spirits. Winning was almost to easy today. Until the last inning came around and we tied with the other team.
It was a constant back and forth of perfectly played innings. It was a game of endurance at this point. A game of who could last longer. Which team had the most longevity? Who had the most patience?
The answer? Us. Obviously. We won with ease and the slightest bit of additude, coaxing the other team into calling it quits.
We were now 5 games away from the district championship and felt like we were on top of the world. We celebrated in the parking lot before loading onto the bus when trouble seemed to find us after yet another triumphant win. Guys from other teams where cat calling our cheerleaders and let me tell you, they are braver than I.
"Fucking pig!" Ally yells boldly. "Fuck you slut!" He yelled right back. "Tiny dick bitch!" Maria yelled. They all looked like they were ready to fight and we were all flabbergasted. The cussing and screamong scared the harassers away and for whatever reason all the guys turned to me. "What?" I whined, hitting my head against the side of the bus. "How come you dont defend your self like that?" Jarv asked me. "How come we have to jump in and save you all the time?" Minsik questioned. I took a very ragged deep breath in and let it out slowly. "I am barely 5 feet tall and am built like a fat piece of paper. Assuming I got angry with someone like these lovely ladies just did, I could not physically defend myself and deep down all of you know that. Not once have i ever asked any of you to 'save me'. You have all instinctively chosen to do so... now leave me alone until we get home." I huffed, stomping onto the bus amd slamming my body into the very back seat. Everyone awkwardly got onto the bus and Jay came to sit with me. "Dont worry about me." I told him before he said anything. "Heeji..." He spoke slowly and softly. "I dont want anyone worrying about me anymore." "Can I ask what brought that on?" Jay spoke quietly so no one could hear us which i appreciated.
I tilted my head back to gather my thoughts briefly. I turned to him and took my 100th deep breath this week and bit my lip before speaking. "I am sick and tired of being compared to everyone around me. Im not tall enough. Im not thin enough. Im too smart. I dont talk enough. I dont defend myself. I should wear makeup. I need to do my hair a certain way. Im not pretty enough. I need to be more like you. I need to be this. I need to be that. Its like being Heeji just isnt good enough for anyone." I stopped to collect myself. "I am sick and tired of not being good enough." Jay looked at me with sadness in his eyes." I compare myself to everyone around me and tear myself down enough. I dont need everyone else doing it too." "How long have you felt like that?" "Ever since mom and dad said i should be more like you." "But Heeji. You work so hard. You get such good grades. Youre gonna get to go to whatever college you want and get the job of your dream.."
"But i am not creating lasting memories or making my own friends and im not bettering myself outside of academics. Im just socially leeching off of you because i dont have the confidence to be myself...because i have never been given a reason to be confident." "You're the coolest sister i could ask for." "Please tell me how im cool." Jay hesitated. Jay didnt say anything. "Thats what i thought. Please go be yourself. Im sure everyone misses you." I turned my head and let the tears start streaming down my face.