I breathe, as we all do. Occasionally, that single slip of air won't be enough, it makes the world spin in circles around my dizzying thoughts. Maye liked to point out that the bubbles I would feel were false, how I was so unhappy in your presence. I would scoff and shake the truth off my bare shoulders, desperate to lean on yours.
Today we were painting the grass, a terribly painful chore. The tiny blades hurt more than the vase, internally, which was a horrid difference.
As I dipped the miniature paintbrush into the green can, I looked up. The remaining air left my lungs. Maye scowled.
You were standing across the street, engrossed in your phone. I'm sure you felt my heated stare but made no indication you wished to acknowledge it. Instead, you glanced up at the tree, then down to the vase, then walked away.
"You aren't what I want."
Maybe some of your words need to escape my playlist. Every time I close my eyes, they crawl across my vision. Sleep comes restlessly, endlessly falling into a pit of despair.
That's when I told Maye we wouldn't paint for a few days. She tilted her head, raising her eyebrows before accepting that I had made my final decision.
I planted myself in the ground next to the freshly painted hydrangeas, staring up at the sky.
"What did I do to you!" I screamed repeatedly, hot tears streaming down my pained expression before I could process what was happening. I looked at the paint cans piled in the corner near the front door, swiftly standing up and opening them all. By the end, the cans were as empty as my heartfelt, leaving me a sobbing mess on my own doorstep. The yard was in shambles, the beautifully painted green and purple plants stained with red ornaments and black spots.
My heart was on fire, pumping wildly in my ears as I clenched my fists.
Did this mean that you finally won?
I didn't want you to win.
Because where I once said I hated the color yellow.
Now, that's all I live by.
YOU ARE READING
Colors Behind the Glass ✓
Poetry[COMPLETED] Lonnie has been through several life-changing events. The most impactful is the death of their abuelita and the loss of someone close to them as they came out as non-binary. They have struggled with coming to terms with these two facts...
