Being powerless is destructive in itself, in the way it manifests so easily.
It was tiresome, and in the end, I found myself wandering down the street, towards the paint store. It had been months since I had traveled down the spectrums and aisles, noted as I received started stares for my absentminded behavior.
As I stood facing the swatched of color, lilac called to me.
It cried as I did.
The sounds morphed through the air, crawling and scratching after me and I desperately climbed into the car and shut the door. Cascading around me like water dripping down windows, it demanded something of me, something I could not give it.
The words from the past, present, and future leaked into my vision. Clouded and teary, falling one after another in parallel with the tears stinging against my face.
"Play for me."
The pain left my head rushing, churning for remembrance of what could never be again. You were one thing, she was another. It was everywhere and nowhere in unison, clinging like an octave to the situation they created.
"Play for me."
I broke it into pieces that night. I clutched the piece with fervor, letting the strands collapse as it touched the ground and scatter in every direction.
The loneliness crept in, washing over me, over the house, over my shoes. My shoes, which had once been hers, the scraps of history left stained on the souls. It was the only remainder of comfort left in that place because that place was nothing without everything that had occurred. That is where the truth lies, I suppose. While the pain and silence wilt over my head day and night, it was all that it was supposed to be. It was meant to be above, meant to let go, meant to survive. It was all purposeful.
Even with this consolation, it was not enough.
I wanted both, but both were out of my grasp.
YOU ARE READING
Colors Behind the Glass ✓
Poetry[COMPLETED] Lonnie has been through several life-changing events. The most impactful is the death of their abuelita and the loss of someone close to them as they came out as non-binary. They have struggled with coming to terms with these two facts...
