Starcrossed Losers (Josh Wheeler xFem!Reader)

XV

What's up, I'm officially fucked.

I don't know how to narrate everything as it went down, I don't have superpowers and I didn't see it from above, also I was too busy trying to not self combust while Josh was kissing me.

I'm stupid. You knew that don't pretend this came as a surprise, I'm dumb. I gave up my last braincell for my overalls, I have nothing left.

That's not important right now, I'll go back to tell you the story, just be warned: Things don't get prettier.

So Josh just kissed me, I'm standing there avoiding physical contact until a voice inside my head (one that sounds a lot like Wesley) screams to me: MAKE YOUR MOVE!

I pull him down by the collar of his shirt and close my eyes tightly, kissing him back. All I can think right now is "Please, don't regret this after it's over" and I mean it for both of us.

The problem is that I suffer a little bit of post-traumatic stress, so when He kissed my mind went: 'Oh fuck he just did the same thing that Alex did, what if he doesn't feel good after, what about me? How am I feeling?'

The answer is: I'm terrified. I feel so many things, great things, beautiful things, but I'm scared shitless.

After he steps back, eyeing me up like he's waiting for a reaction.

I'm trying to collect myself. I'm panicking, What the fuck did just happened?

"Shit," It's the first thing that Josh says.

I keep my eyes closed, I feel that I will start crying if I look at him. It won't be a sad cry, it's more like I'm so scared of what I'm feeling right now I regret every decision I've ever taken. I don't wanna hurt Josh by saying something I don't mean just cause I'm scared, my whole body is shaking and I'm so cold that I'm not even blushing, I can't move.

"Y/N?" Josh takes another step back, I hear him a bit further away than before, "Are you... are you okay?"

I take a deep breath, I have to be brave. I slowly open my eyes but keep them fixed on the ground where Josh is standing, all I can see it's his shoes.

"I'm fine," I rasp, "... I could use a moment to calm down"

"I blew it," Josh's feet move, walking in circles, "Y/N I'm sorry, I'm so sorry please don't get mad, I did it without thinking. I mean I was thinking but fuck I just wanted to kiss you, I-"

"Josh," I speak up, closing my eyes again and holding the bridge of my nose, 'Please don't say you regret it. Don't say you don't have feelings for me', "you don't get it"

His footsteps come into a halt.

"Then explain it to me," He says softly.

"I-"

"Y/N! Josh!" I look up and I meet Angelica's glare, "Don't fucking disappear like that!"

"Sorry, An," I apologize, walking over to her and putting a hand on her shoulder for comfort, "we're making sure the limits of the mall are safe again, you know, from bombs or something"

"They didn't put things, they took them," She says, fuming, "you need to come back inside right now"

"Okay," I frown.

"We're right behind you," Josh is standing next to me. I feel a shiver run down my spine.

Angelica nods and goes back to the mall without even noticing how stiff Josh and I look. I turn to him, still not able to look at him in the eyes.