HYPERSONIC MISSILES (*SAM FENDER FF*)

Eighteen

It didn't last. I knew it wouldn't last. I was hoping that somehow we would still pull through it though. Yet here I am, on the tour bus sitting on the small black leather sofa with my phone next to me all alone just like the universe had intended it to be, he had really gone and I couldn't even be angry at him for leaving because that would be far to easy for my circumstances and far to easy for me to accept and deal with, instead we just sat down and he came straight out with it and I couldn't even argue back and ask where this sudden realisation was coming from because somehow I just felt and knew that this was destined and was going to happen all along and thats when we officially called it quits, August twenty third. Something was and had been missing with the two of us and I could tell that just like me he was trying to compensate for that empty feeling but eventually enough was enough and we walked away from one another. I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss him or that my feelings towards him faded as soon as he left me but that simply just wasn't true, he was the man who showed me how to love again and for that I will be forever grateful for because no matter who he or I end up with in the future and years to come, he will undoubtedly always be my Harry and like he told me as we cried together whilst we mutually called it quits I will always and truly forever be his Carson.

"Carson?" I heard someone call out to me but yet I didn't respond I just sat still on the sofa,
"Carson, are you okay?" Eventually when I looked up I saw Dean looking at me with a sympathetic smile on his face before he joined me on the sofa

"Where are we?" I asked softly

"We're coming back into London now." Dean told me and I nodded my head, knowing that the tour was finally over meant that I could finally relax and try to get myself better after the break up with Harry that happened a little over a month ago. 
"We're all going out for drinks when we arrive do you want to come as well?" Dean asked me and I shook my head as a reply for declining

"I'm just going to go home." I whispered

"Okay well if you're sure?" Dean asked me and I nodded my head softly he gave me another sympathetic smile before walking away but I noticed that he stopped by the door and I could see he was talking to someone and I could briefly hear what he was saying to the other person who I assumed was coming to me

'What's going on with her?' I recognised the voice to be Sam's

'She's still sad about Harry and from what I've heard through other people he isn't taking this break up very well either.' Dean mumbled just as Sam nods his head at him before he joined me in the same space that Dean was sitting in only minutes earlier.

"You know you'll be okay eventually." Sam said to me but it came across more as a solid statement

"I doubt it." I said blandly and I could see the upset in Sam's eyes for the fact that he could see the pain and hear the lack of emotion in my voice

"I promise you things will get better for you Carson, a broken heart and a break up doesn't define us, sure, it can make you feel like shit but you have to think about it like this, you're one broken heart closer to your happy ever after." He said and I looked up at Sam briefly.

"I really love him Sam." I whispered

"I know you did." Sam replied and I frowned a little

"Why did you say that in the past tense?" I asked,

"What?"

"Why did you say 'I know you did' in the past tense?" I asked Sam on the little unusual sentence that I had picked up on quickly

"Because you said that you loved Harry- past tense." Sam says to me and I shake my head.

"No I'm in love with Harry- present tense, my feelings for him haven't disappeared just because we broke up a month ago I will always have some sort of love for Harry considering he was- is my best friend before we decided to become a couple he will always be part of my life no matter who he ends up with." I tell Sam