lovecast. jaemin

twelve

jaemin loped down one of the narrow country lanes, the leaves scrunching under his feet. he carried with him two identical bunches of cut flowers; modest collections of lilies, carnations and sunflowers wrapped in cones of paper and held together with purple ribbon. he paused as he came to the entrance to the graveyard, sighed as if readying himself for something stressful and then entered the hallowed ground.

jaemin paid his respects to his mother first, removing the weeds and litter from around her gravestone and disposing of the old, shrivelled flowers left by previous visitors to her final resting place. he carefully placed the new flowers upon the grave and kneeled before it—

"hey mom, i'm sorry i haven't visited ever since i got into college." he said with a wry smile. "don't worry, i'll try my best to come more and i kinda made these wrapped these flowers myself. i'll tell grandma the next time instead. she's always been better at that kind of thing anyway. people keep telling me my artistic skills are somewhat garish...i really don't know what they mean. i hope you're not too disappointed; you were always so proud of my talent. speaking of talent, i'm playing for this year's championship again! i know you're proud of me."

after a final prayer in front of the grave, he stood and turned his attention to the grave placed strategically next to his mother's. he found himself shaking as he stood before this grave, though whether it was through nerves or sadness or some more complicated emotion that defies description even he wasn't certain.

there were a lot of things he had wanted to say to the deceased before they had passed away – a lot of things he regretted not saying now. he can't say he has much memories of his parents in the first place, he was only 11 after all.

jaemin swallowed nervously before kneeling before the tombstone.

"um... well hi dad!," he started awkwardly. "i'm playing for the championships again this year," he laughed dryly at his comment before continuing. "dad, my life is going great right now, i've recently gotten the mid term results and guess what? i got all A's but just one B. i'm sorry about the B."

he scratched the back of his head as he thought of something to say next, finishing the gesture by running his fingers through his hair.

"i- i this is awkward to say but i've gotten heartbroken recently. i wish you were here to give me advices. i hear my friends say they get relationship advices from their dad. but hey, you were there to teach me volleyball and look where i am now!"

he paused briefly, a small smile on his face as he contemplated the grave.

"i hope the championship goes well i know you both are gonna be proud me," he added, before placing the flowers before the tombstone. "i'll be back again."

jaemin sat in front of the two graves for a long while in silent contemplation, soaking in the tranquil quiet of the evening and remembering the good times of the past. the sun slipped beyond the horizon and daylight began to rapidly fade replaced by the first few stars of the night. he didn't move from that spot until he heard the sound of leaves crunching.

"hey you're still here, i thought you'd be gone by now." sorae said, walking towards him and tucking a few stray stands of her hair behind her ears so it didn't blow around in the wind as much. "hi mr and mrs na, jaemin hasn't been eating well, just letting you both know."

"you didn't have to come, really. i was just about to leave."

"i'm sure wherever they are, they're safe and happy and finally together again, watching over you like good parents should," she said reassuringly. "and i know that they're very proud of you."

"so hyuck asked you out?," jaemin asked, getting to his feet. sorae laughed, "i don't really like him in that way yet, but i thought of giving it a chance."

"bye mr and mrs na, i'm sorry i couldn't be here longer, but i'll make sure jaemin is forced to bring me the next time!" sorae said in front of the tombstones. her eyes showed a hint of sadness as she remembered those who had fallen to death. "i miss them, every day i miss them."

"i still have grandma you know," he reminded her. "i'm starting to think she's immortal..." jaemin laughed."

sorae sniggered and laid an arm over his shoulder, a gesture that they should walk together. jaemin tensed at the arm around his shoulder and tried to shove her away, "hey just because i have a boyfriend now doesn't mean i don't get to hug my best friend."