Within A Year

Chapter 11

“So you actually trust him?” Fletcher said in disbelief as we both laid slumped on the floor watching TV.

The two of us regularly spent nights just hanging out in my dorm room together and tonight was no different. We had ordered pizza from the local takeaway and were now leant against my bed while stuffing our faces. It was moments like this that I cherished with Fletcher because I was comfortable enough around him to look my absolute worst. Dressed in frumpy clothes with my hair tied up and no makeup on whatsoever, although I rarely wore it anyway. Nevertheless he didn’t care.

“Yes I trust him” I answered, trying not to smile from ear to ear as I thought back to our kiss.

“Well… I’m still not sure, but as long as you’re happy that’s what matters” He smiled, taking a huge bite out of his slice of pizza. He looked absolutely insane, he purposely exaggerating his eating just so he looked like a crazed monster and I shook my head at him.

“You’re so weird!” I laughed,

“But that’s what you love about me.”

Once the two of us had scoffed down the remainders of our pizza, which was delicious might I add, we simply stayed on the floor like two bloated beach whales. If someone were to walk in, it would not be a pretty sight at all. Suddenly Fletcher asked something that basically ruined my mood completely and caught me off guard,

“Does this mean that the pact is over?” He said, halfway through a hiccup. I creased my forehead significantly,

“What do you mean?”

“Well you’re happy now… meaning you won’t kill yourself now… right?” The tone of his voice was filled with confusion as though he had expected me to magically be cured.

“It’s not that simple” I replied, lifting myself into an upright position and giving him a serious look. Sometimes I didn’t understand Fletcher at all, he was the one who had suffered with depression for years, how could expect me to suddenly be okay just because I had a few weeks of being happy?

“W-what? You mean you still want to kill yourself?” He spluttered. I flinched at the mention of killing myself but kept my eyes fixated on his. I didn’t really know what to say. I had in fact thought of not going through with, like when we had gone paragliding or after I had kissed Rocky but it didn’t mean that it wasn’t something I thought about.

“M-maybe…” I whispered shyly, suddenly wary of Fletcher’s reaction. 

Judging by his expression, he was hurt. He too hauled his body into an upright sitting position and shook his head disbelievingly.

“I don’t understand… you have a life now Lacey… more friends, a potential boyfriend… you’re doing well in your classes… you’re happy?”

“For now…” I murmured, feeling a wave of sadness rush over me. As I thought deeper into my situation, the more overwhelmed I became. I silently resented Fletcher for bringing it up and destroying my pleasant mood that had lasted for so long.

“It’s not going to last, is it? It will never last… in a few years, Rocky… Olive… you, you’ll have moved on with your lives, you’ll have forgotten about me and I… well I’ll be thrown into my mess and hurt and I don’t want that to happen…” I explained quickly so that he wouldn’t detect the wobble in my voice.

“So you think everyone is just going to get up and leave you?” Fletcher wondered, a strained tone to his voice as though he was about to cry himself. I had only ever seen Fletcher cry on a few occasions, so for him to be getting emotional over me was quite daunting. I nodded slowly, not making eye contact with him. I didn’t want to be speaking about this.